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Convinced of his innocence after regular trends, Twitter finances a prison break for Asaram Bapu

22, Aug 2014 By manithan

San Fransisco, USA. Following regular trends suggesting the innocence of Asaram Bapu, micro-blogging site Twitter Inc. has decided to finance a prison break for Asaram Bapu.

Confirming the news, a Twitter spokesperson told Faking News, said, “We have been analyzing Twitter trends of each country and our special analysis team has been trying to do something useful to the people of that country, based on hashtags and trend that last the longest. For India, almost all of the trends that lasted longest and stayed at the top for 365 days in the past one year, was related to a person named Asaram Bapu.”

Asaram Bapu
Asaram Bapu’s reaction when he heard about Twitter’s plan to make him escape from prison.

Twitter is reported to have contacted its Azad Kashmir Indian office, where an employee named Raheel Sabudanawala informed them that Asaram Bapu was someone who was facing rape charges but had supporters who thought otherwise.

Although Mr. Sabudanawala advised the Twitter Headquarters not to bother about the man, the top management decided to help Indians in this case.

“This is a gift that we are going to give back to the Indian Twitterati, who had been keeping our servers busy with #BailForBapuji and with Salman-SRK fights. Since Baba Siddiqui has brought Salman and SRK together, we thought to bring Asaram Bapu out of jail,” explained the Twitter spokesman, who appeared well versed with Indian themes.

“Yes, we are going to finance a prison break for Asaram Bapu and try to reduce the Twitter overload from the Internet Hindus. This is also in line with our record, because earlier Twitter had brought out even the candid romantic relationships of various Indian leaders out to the public,” the spokesperson added.

After the news of Asaram Bapu getting released by Twitter spread, various Internet Hindus and HDL fighters celebrated by deactivating their Twitter account. They followed it up by singing Metallica songs and partying in nearby pubs, while reminding their girlfriends to stay at home and uphold the Indian culture.

Ramesh HDL composed his last tweet as “#AsaramBapuIsGettingReleased. #WeTheHindus #wonTheTwitter.”

Meanwhile a prison official guarding Bapu’s cell rejected any lapse in security and challenged Twitter to carry out any such daring act. “Nobody can escape unless we want,” the official claimed.

While it’s yet to be seen if Twitter is able to free Asaram Bapu, the announcement by the micro-blogging site has filled others with hope. Sources tell Faking News that Aam Aadmi Party has decided to make Arvind Kejriwal the PM of India, by making him trend at the top for the next whole year.

AAP leader Ashutosh tweeted, “We are groing to proof our pawar. Airwind Kesriwal will be the next Prim Ministurn $ArvindforPM..”