California, USA. In a desperate attempt to push up the falling share prices of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg has asked Facebook users to buy shares from the open market else their passwords could become public.
“Dude, you cribbed when Facebook went public,” a public update posted by Zuckerberg read, “You complained that you were reduced to being a product that we own. Okay, now go own yourself. Buy Facebook shares and become the owner!”
“And no, don’t just fucking ‘like’ this post. You need to buy shares, real shares, at a premium!” the post elaborated.
Zuckerberg also uploaded a public photo that had various religious symbols in the background with a text message at front – “Buy Facebook shares at a premium within the next week or your password will become public”.
Although an atheist himself, Zuckerberg said that he respected religious beliefs and feared that the passwords could indeed become public if people didn’t buy the shares.
“There have been privacy breaches and glitches earlier on Facebook, so this could happen again,” a Facebook official told Faking News.
“We have no control on privacy settings. Some unseen power controls them. You must have experienced it by now,” he added.
The Facebook official denied that it was being deliberately done to scare people into buying the shares.
“We never push anything down the people’s throat,” the official clarified, “Except the website’s layout.”
While experts are debating the ethical and legal aspects of this announcement, experts believe that this “threat” may not work.
“Most Facebook users already have everything public, even intimate honeymoon pictures, thanks to their dumbness or openness; so it may not really hurt them if their passwords also become public,” an expert claimed.
Experts suggest that instead of trying such cheap tactics, Facebook should introduce revenue generating features such as “paid friends” or “paid administrators”.
“Someone like Kalmadi will be willing to pay to add friends in his network, while someone like Sibal will be willing to pay to get administrator rights over various groups,” the expert claimed.