Bharti and wife Lipika, sitting at home ignoring each other as married couples do when they cannot stand each other. The dog, Don, lies on the rug more concerned about his weak heart.
The couple ignite a fight and it roars into a marital inferno.
He: Don, go bite her.
Don pricks up his ears, then goes back to snoozing.
He: Don, go, bite. go, go, go!
Don looks at his master quizzically as if to say, hey dude, that’s your wife, we live together, she feeds me, too, what’s with you?
He: I am your master, when I say bite you bite.
Don, now a bit teed off, changes expression to ‘look, you want a biting dog, go get one, I am a lab, labs don’t bite, mate, we are pacifists, we pick up ducks and pheasants and retrieve them after they are shot dead, what’s this bite stuff?
She: So you want Don to bite me, huh, even turning the dog against me, come on Don, bite me?
Don looks up, the expression now one of ‘is this house crazy or what, something in the food, I think, are they high?”
She: Ha, your dog is like you, no guts, you are both cowards!
Don thinks; yo, lady, this is your fight, don’t you be giving me a bad time.
She: I am going to call the cops.
He: Go, do it, I am not some common man on the street, I am an Aam Aadmi leader, ha.
Don: Sheesh, no one deserves this and you wonder why I have a bad heart?!
(About author: Bikram Vohra is a senior journalist. He lives in Dubai and loves to keep in touch with his home, Delhi. And unlike Somnath Bharti’s dog, Don, who doesn’t bite at all, Bikram has many bones to pick. Mostly funny.)