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Snippets

Special features of the free laptops given by Akhilesh Yadav government

15, Mar 2013 By notthatmp

Lucknow. Laptops crashing after the wallpaper showing pictures of Mulayam Singh Yadav and Akhilesh Yadav is removed is not the only exclusive feature that can be found in the free laptops given by the UP government, Faking News has found.

Following are the highlights that this reporter found after an exhaustive review:

Free Laptop
Apparently the Hindi slogan on the wallpaper – promises being fulfilled – refers to the promises made by Mulayam Singh Yadav to his son.

Local search returns a message “There is no file matching your search criteria” if words like ‘Mayawati’, ‘BSP’, ‘BJP’, ‘NaMO’, ‘Mamata’, etc. are searched. Links to torrents for Govinda’s movie “Raja Babu” are returned if search is run for “Raja Bhaiya”.

Since many cities in UP don’t get regular electricity, special laptop-charging kiosks have been setup near all Paan Bhandars and licenses given exclusively to SP workers. 50% of the money collected by the licensees is to be deposited in the Samajwadi Party fund every evening.

In order to prevent students from selling these laptops off, state education department has announced that the laptop (with the wallpaper intact) itself will be the official Hall Ticket for all examinations. The dropouts too should continue to maintain the laptops as these will also be their families’ Ration Card and subsidized LPG Card.

The operating system asks for bribe before opening or closing any ‘File’. The charges are higher for closing a file since it includes the ‘CBI cess’. The payment collected is treated the same way as in the above case.

An attempt to open a MulayamSoft (MS) PowerPoint presentation forces the user to sit through the entire duration of the official PPT of the Samajwadi Party election manifesto before the user’s file would open.

After you execute any application or function, an alert window pops up and asks “Are you want to make a U-turn?” in line with political philosophy of Mulayam Singh Yadav.

But the best thing about the laptop is that it doesn’t have Kapil Sibal proxy to censor internet.