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Intelligence reveals the working algorithm of CPI(M)

31, Jan 2015 By jholu

New Delhi. Secret services has revealed for the first time, the functioning computer algorithm of the ‘working’ of CPI(M). The once known political party, which still has some support in Tripura, Bengal and Kerala, has been recently out of the main political discourse due to their embarrassing defeat in the last Lok Sabha elections.

Prakash Karat confirms the usage of this formula.
Prakash Karat confirms the usage of this formula.

In an exclusive information obtained by Faking News, reliable sources say that the party has been on auto-pilot and has been functioning using the following computer algorithm since a couple of years:

START PROGRAM

IF  (anything connected to US comes) THEN

PROTEST: Inform police and media. Do a simple march to Jantar mantar. Shout slogans. Come back. Relax.

CHOOSE RANDOMLY AMONG THE FOLLOWING WORDS:  NEO-LIBERAL, IMPERIAL, PRO-CAPITALIST and other words common public will not understand and care;

RELEASE PRESS REPORT TO MEDIA: “We condemn …(choose from previous step) policies of the Govenrment”. See the report in the Hindu, next day. Relax;

ELSE IF (anything related to issues like corruption, communalism etc. comes) THEN

RELEASE PRESS REPORT: We condemn ..(choose from “corrupt, communal”) forces in the country”. See the report in the Hindu next day. Relax;

ELSE IF (while walking with comrades, a Kurta, Sutta, Tea shop appear) THEN

BUY Kurta, Sutta, and/or TEA; USE ACCORDINGLY;

LOOK AT  A DISTANCE. HAVE A DEEP THINKING FACE. CHAT ABOUT MARX. BOURGEOISIE. PROLETARIAT etc. ;

RELAX;

ELSE IF (anything else happens) THEN

Scorn at the world for not coming up to the standards of your enlightened thought. RELAX AND SLEEP.

END IF

END PROGRAM

No official statement has been made by the CPI(M) regarding this information.