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Hang me to satisfy the collective conscience of liberals, requests man

10, Feb 2013 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. After a whole bunch of liberals started bleeding with acute pain over hanging of Afzal Guru, especially over the use of term “collective conscience” in the Supreme Court judgment, a 38-year-old man has offered himself for hanging to satisfy the collective conscience of the liberals.

“They are hurt that hangings have been ‘selective’ and thus justice has not been done,” Praveen Parmar, the man willing-to-be-hanged said, “Well, in that case, I offer myself to be hanged. I’m neither a Kashmiri not a Muslim.”

Afzal Guru
Afzal Guru hanging was apparently a balancing act, however another hanging would be needed to balance this balancing act, experts say.

Praveen, whose elder son was killed in a terrorist attack 5 years ago, is ready to be put to death if his family’s needs are taken care of by the government.

“If my wife is given a decent government job and my daughter is assured of good education, I won’t mind getting killed,” the urban manual laborer surviving on daily wage told Faking News.

When told that his hanging will not satisfy the collective conscience of the liberals as his death will be seen as another atrocity by the Indian state on a poor man, Praveen couldn’t believe his bad luck.

“But I am a Gujarati!” he tried to justify why his death could satisfy those who believe that Indian justice system was biased, however he was distraught to know that him belonging to a lower caste could override his Gujarati “credentials”.

“An able bodied male Brahmin youth born in a rich family of North India with straight sexual preferences and traditional religious views is an ideal candidate,” experts claim, rejecting the candidature of Praveen.