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Government schools to provide alcohol with mid-day meals to improve English of students

26, Nov 2014 By sangam

New Delhi. In a surprise move, the government of India has decided that along with the kichhdi, 3 pegs of alcohol will also be provided to students as part of the mid-day meal scheme.

Officials later disclosed the logic behind this decision before it could create Twitter outrage.

Whisky
Best English teacher.

According to a spokesperson of government, “People often keep complain about the poor English of students who finish their schooling from government schools. As a result, most of them feel ashamed during the time of job interviews, and those who have studied in private or catholic schools end up with good jobs. However, we all know how quickly one starts speaking fluent English after consuming few pegs of liquor!”

“Since almost all the students, whether from government or non-government schools, end up in engineering colleges and later land up with IT jobs that require good knowledge of English (though till the time of job interviews only), it’s better to train them from a young age.”

“Although they will get introduced to the Old Monks and McDowells in engineering colleges for sure, introducing them to alcohol in school will help them achieve the language fluency at an early age. This will also make them capable enough to impress girls and give tough competition to English-medium boys in the college,” government spokesperson further added.