New Delhi. The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) has decided to chargesheet Mr. Ashok Khemka, an allegedly honest IAS officer, for rising onion prices.
“You see, prices are rising and Sonia Madam ji, who is very upset with the rising prices, has asked us to find the person responsible for it,” a CBI official told Faking News.
“Since we have been asked to go slow on Dr. Manmohan Singh for a few days, and not touch Sharad Pawar before the elections, we had to find a third person who could be held responsible for rising prices,” the official explained how the investigating agency zeroed in on Khemka’s name.
“See, he was chargesheeted earlier for failing to sell enough seed. And as we all know that onions grow from seeds. So it’s a clear that he’s responsible for low production of onions, which is causing the price rise,” the official explained.
The official further pointed out “questionable” track record of Khemka, which showed that he had all the characteristics of an “abnormal” IAS officer.
“Which normal bureaucrat goes on highlights scams in every department he’s posted?” the official argued, “A normal bureaucrat bides his time passing files from one department to the other, so that after retirement he can become the head of some committee investigating the socio-economic impact of the cloudburst in Jhajhar in 1978 on the mating cycles of chimpanzees.”
“It is because of abnormal officers like Ashok Khemka that some people are making abnormal profits on onions. The ultimate sufferers are small farmers like Robert Vadra ji and the common man,” the official concluded.