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Snippets

Arnab Goswami declares himself winner of all past and future Newshour debates

09, Jan 2016 By Vaibhav Anand

New Delhi: Arnab Goswami – the famed conductor of and primary noise generator on the daily Newshour debate, today declared that he was the winner of all past and future debates.

The Winner !
The Winner !

Mr. Goswami made the claim in a debate today on the channel when a panelist questioned his authority on the issue being discussed.

It was a normal noisy hour on the Newshour debate on the topic of whether the NDA government was better or the preceding UPA government, when suddenly, reacting to a question from Congress spokesperson Randeep Singh Surjewalla, Mr. Goswami declared that he was the winner of all past and future Newshour debates and thus had authority over any and every issue.

This led to another round of simultaneous speaking by three of the five panelists with no one able to understand what was being said. According to eyewitnesses at the studio however, it seems Mr. Goswami kept enunciating repeatedly, “You question me? I am the winner of all Newshour debates… I am the winner… I am the winner.”

Tadapit Bannerjea, a C.R. Park resident and regular viewer of Newshour, said, “I usually watch Newshour because it generates so much white noise that it covers up the sound of the disco next door and I can sleep in peace. But today I could not sleep… Ornob-da has finally said he is the winner! We are all so proud!”

Reportedly, Mr. Goswami will conduct the show from today onwards wearing a sash saying “WINNER!” in bold.