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WHO declares ‘Modi Intolerance’ a new epidemic in India, with number of cases surpassing lactose intolerance

07, Nov 2015 By MRP

In a recent study, the World Health Organization has found an alarming number of cases of a new condition, which is now termed as ‘Modi Intolerance’, named so due to a certain set of typical symptoms shown by the victims.

WHO declares intolerance as epidemic
WHO declares intolerance as epidemic

Following is an excerpt from the WHO report :

“Indian population is known to be affected by medical conditions like lactose intolerance, gluten intolerance and intolerance to certain other food substances. While lactose intolerance is widespread, though unnoticed, gluten intolerance too is found in significant numbers. However, a large section of the Indian population is now found to have been suffering from a new such condition and it has assumed epidemic proportions. Since a typical symptom exhibited by all victims, though not expressed explicitly, is the varying degrees of dislike for the country’s Prime Minister Modi and his party, with or without reason, the condition has been named Modi Intolerance. The extent of dislike varies from plain dislike to angst to disgust to pure and utter hatred, and the situation is likely to negatively affect the health, if not of the carrier of the disease, certainly of the nation.”

In a press conference subsequent to release of the above report, an official from the WHO India office briefed reporters.

Reporter: Is this condition found only in India?

WHO: Yes, this is found predominantly only in India. There are a few cases reported from other countries, but it is restricted to people of Indian origin only. A variant of this is found in countries neighboring India, which are belligerent towards India. I don’t want to name them, but this condition may have spread from one those countries which are also known to send other entities across the border. It affects the political class and the military there.

Reporter: Since when has this disease affected Indians?

WHO: It was found in small numbers for several years now, restricted to areas around Gujarat. But it seems to have started increasing around the end of 2013, beginning of 2014 and spreading to other regions as well. There was huge jump in the numbers during May 2014 and has now proliferated throughout the country and assumed epidemic proportions.

Reporter: Who among Indians are affected most? Is there a pattern?

WHO: The pattern is getting discovered. Many, many people have mild signs of the disease. But strangely, severe cases seem to be confined to people of certain professions or industries. Like politicians, media, intelligentsia, academia, literati and such.

Reporter: What are the typical symptoms?

WHO: Just like in case of lactose intolerance where the victim cannot digest milk and milk products, here the victim cannot digest anything that Modi and his party say or do. They consider anything related to Modi and his party as bad. They attribute anything that goes wrong in the country to Modi. They try to find negatives even in positive developments. The condition worsens when Modi does not say anything in response to the victim’s behavior and utterances.

Reporter: How does the disease manifest itself?

WHO: It varies, but there is a pattern overall. It shows up at two levels. At the physical level, it starts as anger, blabbering, shouting, making absurd statements and then staging dharnas, carrying out marches, etc. At what can be called as abstract or philosophical level, some people give up their possessions, like awards and recognitions, which they got deservedly or otherwise. Some have even returned library books borrowed years ago that they had never intended returning. Others give up their coveted positions in bodies, committees. In fact, a good number of you from the media are said to be seriously suffering from this condition. In a few cases, the victims display phobia of saffron colour. Distortion of facts and exaggeration are pretty much common to all the people. Forcing others to behave similarly is another common sign.

Reporter: How does it spread?

WHO: Mainly word of mouth. One person blabbers and the next one catches it and blabbers too. Another reason for spreading is peer pressure. Again, you people from the media are identified as the carriers of the disease. You help spread the disease fast.

Reporter: What is the remedy?

Self help. One has to cure himself or herself of it. For now there is no medicine. And the carriers like you should behave responsibly and contain the disease rather than spreading it. The number of cases surpasses that of lactose intolerance and other food related intolerances.

WHO, in its statement, has hoped that India and its people will soon find a cure to it as the cure is really in their own hands.