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What will Modi, Rahul, Kejriwal say in a rally on Jupiter

09, Feb 2014 By Pagal Patrakar

These days political leaders are addressing rallies after rallies. It seems that no part of the country is now untouched by such political rallies. But what if these leaders not only go out of the country, but out of the planet to address a political rally?

Faking News brings you an exclusive report on what will Narendra Modi, Rahul Gandhi, and Arvind Kejriwal say if they were to address a political rally on Jupiter:

Narendra Modi:

Chacha Chaudhary and Sabu
Chacha Chaudhary and Sabu were the common themes in all the three speeches

(start of the speech with some sentences in Jupiter’s alien language) Brihaspati grah ke bhaiyo aur behno, I’m really happy to be on this pious planet, which is the land of Deva-Guru. I feel humbled to be on this great planet.

I have come here today to discuss how Jupiter and Earth can work together to create a Congress Mukt Solar System.

Jupiter and Earth have shared some glorious history. Even today, people back on Earth remember the benevolent giant Sabu, who came from Jupiter and along with Chacha Chaudhary, fought against many villains. Today, we need another Sabu from Jupiter to fight against the Shehzada from Earth.

However, it’s not just for Earth that we need to join hands. We also need to think about the future of Jupiter. It’s a shame that despite being the largest planet of the solar system, there is no development here. It’s all gas and liquid; I can’t see any infrastructure.

This is what you have got for tolerating Congress on earth all these years. Their Shehzada talks about Escape Velocity of Jupiter. They are only interested in escaping from here, while we have come from earth to help you. We are not escapists, we are nationalists.

Jupiter has beautiful rings. Why can’t we have tourism centered around these rings? People spend money on merry-go-rounds. Will they not spend money to go around these rings? All these years, Congress spent money on sending people to Switzerland and Mars, but they did nothing for Jupiter!

Let me tell you why they are not interested in Jupiter. Your surface is made of gas, and they are interested only in land, which can be given to Jijaji.

But we are not here to take anything from you. We are here to work together and find ways in which infrastructure can be created even on a surface made of gas. For that, we must join hands together.

So raise your hands, and say with me – Jupiter, Jai Ho!

Say it loudly. Jupiter, Jai Ho! Jupiter, Jai Ho! Jupiter, Jai Ho!

***

Rahul Gandhi:

Bhaiya baith jao aur suno. Aap ke faayde ki baat karne aaya hoon.

This is my first visit to Jupiter, but I’ve always thought about the people here. My grandmother used to tell me how she would buy me a football as big as Jupiter. I have been fascinated with Jupiter since then.

Every time I watched football, I thought about Jupiter, but opposition has been spreading lies that we don’t care about Jupiter. Fact is, we care about you as much as we care about people back on earth.

They talk about Sabu, but they don’t tell you that Chacha Chaudhary was a Congress member. Our leader Renuka Chaudhary is related to him, and she has the anger of Sabu. And yet, the opposition wants people to believe that Sabu and Chacha Chaudhary are against Congress.

We also want that Jupiter should develop. And for that we have drafted 7 bills, which include Right to Oxygen and Helium Security Bill.

Jupiter is known for its giants, but what about dwarfs? We want that everyone on Jupiter should develop and that’s why we talk about dwarf empowerment. Why just Sabu, why can’t the Seven Dwarfs also be celebrated as residents of Jupiter?

But that doesn’t mean we are against giants. In fact, Congress party brought giants to earth. India ko giant bureaucracy kisne diya? Congress party ne! So how can we be against giants?

We believe in inclusive growth, and for that growth, we have been sending billions of Jupiter Dollars here but local government steals it and deposits in Switzerland in our names.

We have to change this system, and for this you will have to vote for Congress.

Bye.

***

Arvind Kejriwal:

(speech being broadcast Live on Jupiter Today)

I was happy protesting in Delhi, but I’ve been forced to protest in Jupiter now. But this is not me protesting, this is you, the aam aadmi of Jupiter, who is asking for a change. Main toh bas chhota aadmi hoon aap sab giant Jupiterwaasi ke beech.

But why was this aam aadmi from Earth forced to sit on a dharna on Jupiter? Because today’s Jupiter is not the same Utopia that has been described in ancient books. And who is to be blamed for this? Congress and BJP. These parties have done nothing for Jupiter.

I was landing on Jupiter and I experienced such a strong force that pulled me towards the surface. Scientists may say that it’s gravitational pull, but this is God, Allah, Bhagwaan, and your bhagwaan, who is pulling me towards you.

I asked a person, who looked like Sabu, on what is the biggest problem of people here, and he said “corruption”. Today you have to pay 5000 rupees, 4000 rupees a bribe, to buy a comic book of Chacha Chaudhary and Sabu.

Who has caused this inflation and corruption? BJP and Congress. And private companies, who have reduced Sabu and Chacha Chaudhary to just brands. We need to correct these things.

I tried talk to Chacha Chaudhary, who reminds me of Anna Hazare, lekin yeh beech wale log mujhse baat hi nahi karwaate. But now we don’t have to depend on these people, we have to work towards a revolution.

Jupiter needs Swaraj, and that can happen only when you wear this cap and join this revolution.

apne bachcho ki kasam khao ki BJP ya Congress ko vote nahi doge.

Inqilaab Zindabad!