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Snippets

UPA appoints new Chief Cook, Gardener, and Driver at PM's official residence

14, May 2014 By vogonpoem

New Delhi. In a controversial move, the outgoing UPA Government appointed Sarson Singh as the Chief Cook at 7 Race Course Road, the official residence of the Prime Minister. The posts of Chief Gardener and Chief Driver were also filled in a hurriedly called cabinet meeting last night.

While Congress is calling it “routine appointments”, leading legal light Ram Jethmalani claimed that that this last-minute appointments of tri-service chiefs smacked of constitutional impropriety.

Halwai
Sarson Singh

Congress spokesman Manish Tiwari was quick to come to his party’s defense. “The appointment might be hasty, but Sarson ka Saag is tasty!” he insisted, smacking his lips.

BJP was understandably livid, “The incumbent’s retirement isn’t coming up until July 25th. What was the hurry to cook the curry? As per seniority, Khamand Dholakia was supposed to become the next Chief Cook. Are they trying to manipulate the line of succession?”

The controversy re-kindled memories of last year’s expiration date fiasco. The then cook, Doodh Daruwalla had made Ras Malai with Aavin milk that had an expiration date 1 year in the future. However, when the cow was questioned, she revealed that her calf’s date of birth was entered incorrectly in its SSLC certificate. Since the milk production date coincided with the calf’s birth, the PMO suspected that the milk had already gone bad.

The case went to the courts. Expert witness Lalu Yadav testified that fodder quality was paramount to milk’s longevity. The Supreme Court finally asked Daruwalla to sway with the wind and prepare a fresh batch of Ras Malai. The entire dish episode left a sour taste in the mouth.

The relationship between the cook and the PMO had been strained since then. When the Tamilian cow owner Kada Kumar had brought over his fully decorated cows to see Daruwalla on the occasion of Mattu Pongal, 10 Janpath panicked, sensing a coup.

Shekhar Gupta wrote a scathing piece, lambasting Coup-Mata and recommending that the PMO be informed of all future bovine movements, including those of the bowel.

Coming back to the present, the BJP is in no mood to let these appointments go unchallenged.

BJP Spokesperson Nirmala Sitharaman said, “Congress has corrupted every household institution. The gardener is a plant; the maid sweeps everything under the carpet; the cook knows which side of the bread is buttered & the driver is unaware of the bumpy road ahead. The only thing we can get rid of is the 10 year old doormat!”