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Talks begin on the India-Pakistan FTA (Free Terrorist Agreement)

23, Aug 2015 By fakenomists

New Delhi: The Indian Government’s enthusiasm in its foreign policy has prompted many developments. The most recent is a joint working group setup to do a feasibility study for a possible India-Pakistan Free Terrorist Agreement (FTA). Terrorism is becoming a global industry, and hence, the increasing world consensus is towards enabling free competition of terrorist organizations, without interference from governments. A slew of allegations from both sides on anti-competitive terrorist practices is believed to be the main reason behind this development.   An FTA with Pakistan would mean that terrorism will have open borders. The Indian side is represented by the Indian Insecure Mujahidin (IIM), while Taliban-ka-Baap (TKB) is the chief negotiator from Pakistan’s side.

Sartaz Aziz holding a copy of Free Terrorist Agreement
Sartaz Aziz holding a copy of Free Terrorist Agreement

India’s concerns

As per “terror-leaks”, certain confidential documents highlight concerns raised by India’s chief negotiator on good and bad terrorism. India is particularly concerned about the recent quality of terrorism exported from Pakistan into India. On the issue of Naved, who was recently caught by India in Udhampur, India’s chief negotiator lamented, “We are really concerned about the quality of terrorists imported from Pakistan. They are turning out to be plain duds, and spoil the image of all of us. They take all the limelight and credit too. The Indian terrorist ecosystem has just begun to evolve, and the domestic terrorist industry must be protected. We find it hard to compete with the buffoonery of Pakistani terrorists. Too much unnecessary heropanti. ”

The Indian side has hinted that they will undertake activities to sabotage Pakistani terror’s India expansion plans. Sources have revealed that the major method of doing so would be by secretly infiltrating the Pakistani terrorist supply chain. Once done, Pakistani terrorists will be unknowingly supplied fake grenades, AK-47 pichkaris, maps with Afghanistan labelled as India, and exploding walkie-talkies. The IIM representative feels that though this is an unfair move, it is an opportunity for IIM terrorists to become martyrs (they will die laughing).

Pakistan’s concerns

The Pakistani side, on the other hand, raised the issue of domestic market saturation. Too many terrorists and too many terrorist activities are forcing the terrorism behemoth to focus on export-led growth. They also feel that saffron groups & Maoists are increasingly taking centre stage in the media.

“We know that we are the best. However, we cannot rest on our laurels. Just look at what e-Commerce is doing to the retail industry. We are slowly becoming a commodity. We want to constantly innovate to maintain our leadership – both in the media, and on the stupidity scale,” reasoned the TKB representative.

Global terrorist agreements

Amidst the ongoing negotiation is the threat of a mega free terrorist pact that ISIS is negotiating with various other countries like Iraq, Syria and Afghanistan. IIM claims that infrastructure bottlenecks and old video technology has rendered them uncompetitive compared to ISIS and the government should provide some domestic support (read subsidies) to the domestic industry. This is expected in the form of HD cameras, as well as English classes. The All India Terrorist Association (AITA) in a representation to the GOI has expressed its concern over the “huge capacity overhang” in ISIS which could “kill” Indian industry.

They have also highlighted that apart from ISIS, India also faces stiff competition from Pakistan and should get a level playing field in order for them to compete with Pakistan as they receive around 30% of their GDP as subsidies from the Pakistani government while in India this number is 0.

The Indian government has said that they are “sympathetic” towards the concerns of the industry but now the Indian domestic industry should get ready for reduced tariff lines and high quality imports of “good terrorist” into India as the free terrorists pacts are a reality. The protectionist policy of the previous government will not be tolerated by the new government.

A new era of competitive terrorism

We hope that unlike Free Trade pacts, India does not lose out in terms of negotiations of Free Terrorist Agreement. Many experts have highlighted the India’s “terrorist” deficit has increased fourfold in the past decade and Indian domestic industry has suffered on this count. So the endeavour should be to “Make in India” rather import into India.

AITA, has also said that it will also align itself to the “Skilling India” campaign so as to promote domestic skill development and ensure employability of fresh terrorists. A phased introduction of the FTA would ensure that the domestic industry has a chance to develop itself, and not to always be a cry-baby.