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Snippets

Ship carrying Sharad Pawar’s undisclosed assets gets stuck at Juhu beach

14, Sep 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

Mumbai. A huge merchant ship, carrying massive amount of valuables, has drifted ashore and got stuck at Juhu beach, making it the third ship in the last three months to have met such fate. Even though the government officials have declined to comment over the ownership of the ship or the cargo, sources tell us that the ship, along with the goods, is owned by union minister Sharad Pawar, who had earlier declared his total assets as being 12 crore rupees only.

“The ship was carrying all those remaining assets, which were not declared by Pawar earlier,” a whistleblower on the ship told Faking News, “I have no idea about the final destination of the ship as everyone on the ship was supposed to be replaced by trained militia after a few days in the middle of the ocean, so that the ship is not hijacked by Somali pirates.”

Gold ship in Burma
Clicking pictures of the Sharad Pawar’s ship has been banned, but it apparently looks like this.

Based on this input, Faking News investigative team concluded that the ship, named Panchshil, the unsinkable, was destined to follow a route that would have made it pass through the Somali waters, which meant that the ship was either headed towards North Africa or Europe.

“Libya? Is Pawar buying oil from Gaddafi? Or maybe he is funding Gaddafi’s resistance in anticipation of some rewards and favors in the future?” an intern with Faking News argued, who was earlier the chief international correspondent with a leading news channel.

“That appears a bit farfetched,” the international desk editor rejected the intern’s idea as part of his job, “I think this ship was going to Switzerland. Swiss Bank you see.”

“Not Italy?” interjected the housekeeping guy, who was warned not to interfere in editorial work again and instead concentrate on removing the spider webs from the Library.

Even as the editorial and janitorial staff debated the destination of the ship, another “source” called up Faking News’ office and informed how the ship got stuck at the beach in the first place.

“The captain of the ship was a former truck driver, who was given the supari to kill Anna Hazare after some contract killers refused to do so,” the source revealed, “It seems that he saw some bhelpuri vendor wearing ‘I am Anna’ cap taking a walk on the beach early this morning. He mistook the vendor for Anna and the ship for a truck and tried to run over the poor guy with the speeding ship. The ship got stuck in the process.”

This theory appears convincing as the local police confirmed that the captain of the ship had been absconding ever since the ship got stuck, leaving behind huge cache of cash, jewelry, gems, gold bricks, onions, share and land registration certificates, apart from some suspected ICC cricket trophies on board.

However the police chased away our reporter when he asked if they were investigating the case from “Sharad Pawar owing the ship and the cargo” angle.

Meanwhile Faking News advises Mumbai residents not to flock to the Juhu beach again to see the ship, because this time a large number of criminals and politicians could also be there in the crowd to take a look at the ship.