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RSS appoints Goldman Sachs as investment bankers for acquiring BJP

24, Oct 2009 By Pagal Patrakar

Nagpur. In an unprecedented move that has never been seen in the political circles anywhere in the world, RSS has appointed Goldman Sachs as the investment bankers to help them with the acquisition of BJP. Goldman Sachs will help in asset valuation and debt restructuring of BJP, identification of synergies for RSS, and advice on organizational integration post the acquisition. The amount of brokerage payable to Goldman Sachs for these services was not disclosed.

After a dismal performance in the Lok Sabha elections earlier this year and losses in the assembly elections earlier this week, calls for acquisition of BJP by RSS had been getting stronger. Our sources inform that RSS wanted to carry out this task in the most professional way possible, and finally they decided to go the corporate way. RSS could re-launch BJP as a private limited company post this acquisition.

“The top leaders of the BJP will be asked to invest money in the new company. This will make sure that all the leaders will work together to realize higher market valuation of the party, including those who could be looking for exit options. In the current political scenario, if a leader is looking for an exit option, he or she starts working to bring the market valuation down. It happens in each party.” Ram Madhav, RSS spokesperson explained the logic.

Investment Bankers of Goldman Sachs moving in RSS uniform
Investment Bankers of Goldman Sachs moving in RSS uniform

The current BJP leaders are tight lipped about the development, but sources say that the move by RSS has foxed them completely.

“We are a right-wing party, but this is going just too far right. Money should not be the only criteria of investment. We have worked for so many years to bring BJP to this level (sic) and our contributions must be taken into account.” A party leader told on conditions of anonymity.

RSS has tried to dispel such concerns and has assured that the prior contributions by the existing leaders would indeed be taken into account through the ‘asset valuation’ process. But it was yet not clear on what basis the leaders would be valued. Goldman Sachs officials too refused to divulge the parameters saying it was a “classified” matter. Unconfirmed reports say that instances like finding controversial mosques could be one of the most highly valued parameter.

When Faking News contacted SEBI to ask if they would allow listing of a political party for active trading on bourses, the officials couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer. SEBI has called a meeting of its officials and policy makers later next week to discuss the issue.

“It would indeed be an interesting situation if RSS approaches SEBI for listing the new BJP shares for active trading. But I guess it would be better for our democracy. We have been listening about horse trading for so long and we all know that money plays such an important factor in politics today. It would be a step towards transparency.” a stock market specialist opined.

It’s yet not clear how RSS zeroed upon Goldman Sachs for the job, but our experts inform us that two factors could have gone in the favor of the Manhattan based investment bank. Firstly, Goldman Sachs has a very long history of hobnobbing with powers-to-be in the USA, and secondly, they were appointed the investment bankers for Satyam Computer Services Limited (now Mahindra Satyam) when Ramalinga Raju disclosed that the company was in deep shit.