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Rahul Gandhi to marry to give India its own Royal Baby

26, Jul 2013 By Tinkerbell

New Delhi. In a startling announcement, Rahul Gandhi has declared that he will give India her very own Royal Baby. Sonia Gandhi, backing her son’s decision, has acknowledged that Rahul hasn’t worked too well for the country and its time for another baby.

Speculation is rife on who the mother-to-be will be. The media has been camping outside the Rahul Gandhi’s quarters on 12, Tughlak Lane, New Delhi for the past 48 hours since this announcement, capturing footage of every secretary/ female attendant who has thus walked into Rahul Gandhi’s chambers.

Rahul Gandhi
“Doing it for the country,” said Rahul.

“There needs to be some kind of expectation management,” complained Digvijaya Singh. “This is Rahul Gandhi, not Bill Clinton. And the Royal Baby is not some jhat-pat two minute Maggi noodles!”

Sources close to the Gandhi family claim that Rahul was extremely moved when he saw clippings of thousands of loyal British subjects collecting outside the Queen’s Palace to welcome (their) Royal Baby. That was the kind of support Rahul has always dreamt of.

It is widely acknowledged that production of the Royal Baby is probably the British Royalty’s only real contribution to their economy. It is estimated that the Royal Baby’s birth will add $ 550 million to the British GDP this year alone due to extended celebrations and boosted tourism.

“I offer this nation the only meaningful thing I bring to the table – My genes,” an inspired Rahul Gandhi declared to roaring applause 3 days later in New Delhi. “The government needs a fresh face. Someone young, dynamic and mobilizing,” continued the leader of the Indian Youth Congress.

The baby will be titled “Chotta President of the Indian National Congress,” thus becoming, possibly, the cleanest and least corrupt member of the Indian parliament. It is not long, however, before the baby is expected to learn the tricks of the trade and the number of Gs in his alphabet.

It has been decided to institute a festival every year similar to Janmashtami to mark the birth of the Royal Baby. We have celebrated Makhan Chor for so long. It is now time to celebrate the Tax Chor.

The sex of the baby is still unknown but it is widely acknowledged that the weight of the new born baby will be greater than the weight of our 82 year old prime minister.

Meanwhile, NDTV Imagine has announced to relaunch itself with launch of a new reality TV show titled “The Game of Thrones”. It is similar to a pageant wherein viewers vote for who they think to be the most eligible contestant to become Rahul Gandhi’s wife.

Political analysts have lauded the move, saying that this will perhaps become the most democratic way in history in which our Government’s Chairperson will be selected. Many girls are reportedly excited to get married to the ‘young’ Gandhi, these include girls taking part in DID SuperMoms, Kingfisher air-hostesses, and even waitresses from foreign countries.

Rahul Gandhi is unavailable for comments as he has already gone on his paternity leave.