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Priyanka demands under-sea petroleum well in Amethi, criticizes Smriti for ignoring people’s basic needs

29, May 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

New Delhi: In an exclusive interview with Faking News upcoming youth-face of Congress party Mrs. Priyanka Gandhi has severely criticized Smriti “Tulsi” Irani for not taking care of Amethi’s natural resources. She has also demanded immediate creation of an under-sea petroleum well in Amethi, so that Amethi can be converted into a self-sustainable SPZ (Special Political Zone). Below is the exclusive interview:

Reporter: Hello ma’am.

Priyanka Gandhi: Naamaaste *Folds both hands in the peculiar Namaste fashion*

Reporter: Namaste ji Namaste

Priyanka: Did I do it right, the Namaste thing?

Reporter: Yeah, it was fine, just like foreigners do.

Priyanka: Great! People in this country are very particular about this Namaste thing, so I have been practicing it a lot these days.

Reporter: Ok, so shall we start?

Priyanka: Yes, see my husband Robert Vadra is a very kind soul. “Zameen” se jude hue insaan hain wo (he is a man tied to his roots and a well-grounded fellow).

Reporter: No but this interview is about your recent comments on Amethi, but if you want to talk about Mr. Vadra I think that would form a more interesting conversation

Priyanka: No I think, I was confusing you with another reporter, we will only talk about Amethi

Reporter: No but you were saying that he is a kind soul…

Priyanka: No let’s talk Amethi

Reporter: No but …

Priyanka: WHEN I SAY WE WILL TALK AMETHI, WE WILL TALK AMETHI. Do you want me to unchain the Dobermans?

Reporter: No let’s talk Amethi

Priyanka: So I think current central government has already ignored people of Amethi a lot, Mrs. Tulsi Virani should answer for this ignorance.

Reporter: You mean, Mrs. Smriti Irani should ..

Priyanka: Yeah whatever that lady’s name, he surname is not Gandhi, that’s what I know. See there are two kind of people in this world. Gandhis and non-Gandhis, she should know which bucket she falls in. She should also understand that the kind of intellectual intoxication Gandhi surname gives to media and lobbyists in India is unparalleled.

Reporter: So you are saying that Mrs. Smriti Irani should focus on education of youth in Amethi.

Priyanka: First of all Mrs. Shilpa Hirani should create an under-sea petroleum well in Amethi. Current government has been ignoring the energy needs of poor Amethi people for a long time now. BJP government has ignored Amethi more in 1 year than Congress party ignored Amethi in 10 years.

Reporter: But Mrs. Smriti Irani is the HRD minister, how can she create a petroleum reserve? And also how can you even create an under-sea …

Priyanka: I don’t understand this ministry thing, I understand royal hierarchies. This is a broken thing and Mrs. Smita Durani should just fix it.

“What a wonderful Namaste”

Reporter: Apart from the ministry jurisdiction,  Amethi is not a coastal region so how can it have under-sea petroleum well?

Priyanka: See this is the kind of narrow thinking the people of your country should avoid.

Reporter: My country only….??

Priyanka: I will give you a specific example. Last month Rob bought a piece of land at dirt cheap prices from few farmers. Later on we surprisingly found oil wells in that land?? Voila, we sold it at a very high price afterwards … but that was possible because we were open minded about it. We somehow had that “gut feeling” that this land would have had oil. Others did not have that gut feeling. So I would say keep your mind open, we can actually create under-sea oil reserves in Amethi. And Mrs. Sheila Kejwani should help us create it.

Reporter: You mean Smriti Irani

Priyanka: Yeah, yeah the lady which speaks slowly and clearly yet menacingly and even then the people like her. Not sure why people like her, even though she is not a Gandhi, quite strange.

Reporter: Ma’am you have also asked for an IIT in Amethi

Priyanka: Five

Reporter: Five?

Priyanka: Yes 5 IITs, 5 IIMs, 2 IISc, that is on the infrastructure road-map already. Other than that for international exposure to Amethi Kids we were initially talking to some senior administrators at MIT, Harvard, Stanford etc. but then one gentleman told me that combined knowledge of MIT, Harvard, Stanford and European schools knowledge can be obtained at only one place, i.e. IIPM.

Reporter: So we will be having an IIPM Amethi too?

Priyanka: Having? It has already been inaugurated 3 days back and a batch of 75 students from Delhi have already started an online distance learning 1 year B.Tech. + MBA combined program at IIPM Amethi. IIPM towers are not yet build completely though.

Reporter: What are your thoughts on one year of Modi government?

Priyanka: Who’s Modi?

Reporter: Come’on ma’am, you don’t know who Mr. Narendra Modi is?

Priyanka: Is he someone from the Gandhi family?

Reporter: No, but he is …

Priyanka: Irrelevant question then.

Reporter: But …

Priyanka: See I am a people’s person. My whole hearted concern is welfare of people of Amethi. 5 IITs, 5 business hotels, 5 space research stations, 5 AIIMs hospitals and 5 under-sea petroleum wells. That is the 5 x 5 solution I am working on. My management consulting team sent me this 5 x 5 matrix last week, I can email it to media later once I have thrashed it out with my executive team.

Reporter: One last question …

Priyanka: Ok I would need to stop this interview now, my helicopter is waiting for me. I have my business lunch scheduled with a few poor-people at Taj Amethi today. If I am delayed they would be hungry. And hungry poor-people is something which me and Rahul just can’t see.

Reporter: Is that why you did not “see” poor people during your days of power?

Priyanka: Security, have the Dobermans been fed? Oh they are hungry still?

Reporter: I’ll be leaving ma’am, thanks a lot for your time.