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Politicians appeal to students to mention their caste in suicide notes

21, Jan 2016 By Sandeep Kadian

New Delhi: In a rare show of unity, politicians from all parties came together and requested students to mention their caste clearly in their suicide notes.

All party meeting to discuss  this important issue
All party meeting to discuss this important issue

This decision was reached at an all party meeting convened at the residence of Lok Sabha speaker, Sumitra Mahajan. The appeal, carrying signatures of all senior politicians, will be published in all Indian dailies tomorrow. This decision was taken after the confusion over the suicide victim in Hyderabad with some people claiming he wasn’t a Dalit.

It was concluded by the politicians during that meeting that since they can’t control suicides, they might as well use it for their political gains in a clear defined way

Speaking to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, a senior politician from a party said, “We are not making this request for ourselves, we are doing this for the benefit of the public. If they mention their caste clearly then only those politicians who are looking to exploit that caste will head there. Right now we create needless nuisance and traffic jams when all of us turn up at the place of suicide at the same time. We don’t want to inconvenience people like that.”

“Another thing to consider is that First-mover advantage is huge in crocodile tears industry. Now if a person from my caste has committed suicide, I should be the first one to go there and cash in on the high running emotions but it doesn’t always happen because of the confusion over caste. By the time we clear up our confusion and find out the caste, we find that someone else has already landed there. We need to resolve it”, explained the politician.

Supporting the arguments of his colleague, another veteran politician from a rival party said, “We generally have no problem finding out the caste as we have memorized all the castes in India but sometimes we have people with no last name or you have these neutral last names like Kumar creating confusion because we aren’t always sure who they are. Only to the people with those unclear last names, we have made the request.”

When we asked whether this political unity will ensure Parliament works smoothly during the next session, a politician laughed and said, “All party unity is over important issues, like Caste politics or communal politics, We can’t have it for trivial issues like the economy or the country.”