New Delhi. In a shocking development that has scared the collective shit of the government representatives, the only copy of the much touted long-held ‘Lokpal Bill’ has suddenly gone missing. UPA ministers, who were handling the strings of the allegedly path-breaking bill, were left red faced as media and activists probed the whereabouts of the anti-corruption antidote.
“The bill was, umm…” Abhishek Manu Singhvi, averred, “was in my closet. I had kept it myself the last night before going to enjoy some red wine with Sibal Sahib after completing all the formalities.”
The draft of the bill was gone in the morning. It was probably a theft because Singhvi woke up to find a big black letter ‘A’ embossed in steel lying in his closet, instead of the copy of the bill. Singhvi, using his lawyer’s mind, could immediately draw parallels with the Dhoom2, where the thief-in-chief Hrithik Roshan would place a similar letter after every heist.
Sources inform that Home Minister P Chidambaram has already ordered a midnight lathicharge on Hrithik Roshan’s fans as he suspects Hrithik to have stolen the only copy of the bill to promote his new movie Agneepath – a movie name starting with ‘A’.
“Anna, Anna – that name also starts with A! Arrest him!” a voice, suspected to be that of Digvijay Singh, was heard in an emergency meeting called by Sonia Gandhi in the morning to find the bill. Leaders like Vilasrao Deshmukh and Ashok Chavan, who has invaluable experience in the case of missing files related to the Adarsh Society scam, were also present in the meeting, sources say.
Later talking exclusively to Faking News, Manu Singhvi explained that no other copy of the bill was made since earlier leaks had forced the government to be extra careful. He and Sibal were apparently working on further improvements in the draft last night as government had agreed to extend the winter session to discuss the bill and get it passed.
“While done with the last line at 11:32 in the night, I had jubilantly high-five’d the coarse hands of Sibalji,” recalled Singhvi, “and the keys had been in my boxer pockets all the night.”
“Zameen nigal gayi ya aasman kha gaya,” said angry BJP MP BS Ahluwalia, who warned to stop the parliament session till the bill was found. He also accused Congress of playing tricks and claimed that the party had deliberately allowed the theft to delay formation of a Lokpal.
He went so far to say that Kapil Sibal turns into a werewolf after two glasses of wine, and he might have taken the bill along with him or kept it somewhere.
“CBI should ‘zero-in’ on Sibal,” he said and asked Anna to go on a fast demanding arrest of Kapil Sibal.
However Anna Hazare has blamed BJP too this time, since he held the opinion that BJP was never interested in bringing the bill because once implemented, many of its own leaders would have behind the bars or tied around a pole to be whipped by a mother-like figure. He said that the conspiracy would be busted soon and offered the media a copy of Jan-Lokpal as the only solution.
Meanwhile, sensing an impending danger, all the thieves have left Delhi and spread all over the country, thus bringing even distribution of thieves in the country as earlier they were all concentrated in and around the capital.
There is no hint so far about the whereabouts of the bill. Manu Singhvi could be subjected to ‘Sach Ka Saamna‘ and be asked specific questions about the PM, lower bureaucracy, and other unresolved matters to get a final word of truth.
Reacting to the news, people have responded in a bit of aggression: Pawar has been slapped again, a chappal was thrown at Chidambaram, and Sibal’s twitter profile was hacked with status updated to ‘F–k me’.