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Nitin Gadkari admits to doping to win BJP president’s race

22, Jan 2013 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. It’s India’s own Lance Armstrong moment. BJP leader Nitin Gadkari, in an exclusive interview to Faking News, has confessed that he resorted to doping to win the race to become party president for the second time.

“I took a few performance enhancing drugs earlier today,” a candid Gadkari confided to this reporter who dressed up like Oprah Winfrey to extract the truth.

Gadkari said that he had grown nervous after realizing that his second term as BJP President might not be as smooth as he had imagined, and hence took this step in desperation.

Nitin Gadkari
An emotional Not-so-strong Gadkari spilled the beans a la Lance Armstrong

“What could I have done?” a tearful Gadkari argued, “My surname starts with ‘G’ and ends with an ‘I’, and it has even a ‘D’ in between, but it’s not Gandhi! Being elected to the top post doesn’t come naturally to me due to that. Not my fault!”

“In absence of such natural inborn skills, I had to go for some artificial and external help,” the incumbent BJP President explained the extreme circumstances under which he took to doping.

Reports suggest that Gadkari had taken 5 milliliter of RSScitazone, a performance enhancing drug, mixed with 5 liters of Orange juice, which he takes daily in breakfast. He did it after media reports suggested that Mahesh Jethmalani or Yashwant Sinha could contest elections against him.

However, Nitin Gadkari maintains that whatever he did might have been a bit improper, but not illegal, just like the accounting practices in Purti Group companies.

“RSScitazone is a performance enhancing drug, but it’s not on the list of banned drugs by the Indian Medical Association, Indian Olympics Association, or the Election Commission of India,” Gadkari claimed.

Experts agree that Gadkari is right on technical grounds and hence he can’t be disqualified from the BJP President’s race.

“Unless the government, incidentally led by Congress party, bans RSScitazone, Nitin Gadkari is well within his right to take this drug,” a television expert pointed out.

“So what if RSScitazone is not banned,” Congress leader Digvijay Singh jumped in to offer a comment, “I have clinching proof, such as phone records and emails exchanged with Hafiz Saeed Mahesh Bhatt Sahib, which prove that terrorists take RSScitazone shots before carrying out attacks.”

Latest reports suggest that Gadkari has decided to withdraw from the race following his confession to Faking News. It’s not yet clear if he took the same drug to win the race last time.