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Left-handed community gets offended by Congress’ spate of ‘Right to’ bills

28, Mar 2014 By Ranjeet Bhide

New Delhi. In a blow to Rahul Gandhi’s dreams of an India full of rights, the left-handed community has come out strongly against the recent spate of ‘Right to xyz’ bills proposed by the Congress.

“Congress claims to work for minorities, but why is it ignoring the handedness minority?” asked an angry Vaman, President of All India Left-handers’ Association, who works with the MNC Bayer.

When explained that the names of the bills have possibly misled him, he retorted, “Oh yeah?Next you will tell me that the name ‘Indian Premier League’ is misleading and it is held in UAE… Oh wait…”

Left handed power
One of the protesters

“But there is no confusion,” he quickly added, “If there could be a ‘Right to Entrepreneurship’ in the party manifesto, why not ‘Right to Left handed writing’ too? I mean, both of these make equal sense.”

“Or the best would be if they change their symbol from right hand to left hand,” he demanded.

But lefties are not the only one to object to the move; the moment Congress’s new manifesto was announced, Leftist parties vociferously opposed what they referred to as ‘poisonous rightist policies’. Later the high-level think-tanks of these parties opined that these policies were, in fact, leftist, and hence the opposition was hastily withdrawn and underplayed.

When asked by this reporter if the bills were against lefties, a Congressman emphatically said, “Rahul Gandhi will tell you the importance of the bills.” When asked about the whereabouts of Rahul Gandhi, he revealed that it was Rahul Gandhi himself speaking.

He then continued, “You people laugh at me when I answer every question by saying that we passed the Right to Information Act. Now I will pass so many ‘Right to fill-in-the-blanks’ bills that I can answer any question you ask. So next time you ask me if I’m afraid of losing to Narendra Modi, I will tell you that we passed the Right to be Unafraid of Narendra Modi Act. Genius, no?”

When further pressed on the actual contents of these bills, Rahul Gandhi said that they will empower women, and after pausing for effect, added, “Both right-handed AND left-handed.”

AAP workers’ reactions were even more scathing.

“The bills are a right-wing conspiracy,” a junior worker holding a broom in his left hand said, “thus proving that the Congress and BJP are one and the same.”

A BJP party worker blamed it all on Sonia Gandhi. “There is clearly a foreign right hand behind the bills.”