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Congress trying to develop clones of Kapil Sibal to replace corrupt ministers

08, Jul 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Impressed with what he has done after taking charge from A Raja, former telecommunications minister currently in Tihar jail, Congress is reportedly on a mission to develop biological clones of union minister Kapil Sibal, who would replace all ministers found guilty of corruption in future.

Sources say that the next cabinet reshuffle is being postponed till the first clone of Sibal arrives from a US laboratory and replaces Dayanidhi Maran, who recently resigned from the union cabinet on corruption charges.

“He is awesome,” a Congress source told Faking News referring to the abilities of Kapil Sibal, “He is a trained lawyer and no one can fuck around with him. You remember what he did to that Baba Ramdev? LOL!”

Kapil Sibal
Kapil Sibal shows a document to journalists that they are too confused to read and analyze themselves, and instead are willing to report whatever Sibal says about it.

“You remember that notebook page that he produced as proof of ‘deal’ with Ramdev?” the source added after holding his laughter, “I am sure Sibal would have produced a similar notebook page to prove records of meeting with A Raja if he were in the place of P Chidambaram.”

Congress source further claimed that Sibal had the abilities to come up with Digvijay Singh type statements and actions, but with a flair and finesse that people like Diggy can never even dream to match.

“See, I’d explain you. He comes up with statements like – PM can be probed by Lokpal after he quits – and the statement sounds so thoughtful to media. The funny thing is – if PM quits, he is no longer a PM! So basically Sibal was saying – Lokpal can NOT probe PM!” the source explained.

Sources attribute this particular talent of Sibal to his professional training as a lawyer, but maintain that there was something special about Sibal.

“Even Manish Tewary, our spokesman in slow-motion, is a lawyer, and he comes up with profound legal bullshit every now and then, but somehow he is never as convincing as Sibal. It’s not about being a lawyer; even BJP has lawyers in their ranks. We are just fortunate to have Sibal,” the source said.

Congress is reported to have commissioned a US genetic research laboratory to come up with at least a dozen biological clones of Kapil Sibal so that almost every plush ministry is handled by the astute lawyer-politician from Delhi, who successfully answers and nips any query about any seemingly corrupt practice in bud.

When Faking News asked who paid the bill for the cloning of Sibal, we were asked to file an RTI with the Home Ministry, submit an application attested by a gazetted officer in triplets with the US Embassy, and undertake an affidavit to publish the truth on the website. We gave up.