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Snippets

Congress hand to replace red lights at traffic signals

20, Oct 2013 By Tinkerbell

Mumbai. Traffic police here has announced that the Congress’ election symbol will henceforth replace the red stop signs at traffic signals across the city. This measure has been adopted to bring order to the traffic situation in the city, where most drivers have taken to breaking red lights on a regular basis.

Faking News interviewed Manohar Murli, a senior official from the traffic department, in order to understand the logic behind this step.

Congress symbol
The new symbol

“If this hand can stop the progress of an entire nation, we feel that it can stop anything,” explained Murli as he waved a card board Congress hand enthusiastically in the air.

This new measure seems to be working. It has been observed that all alike, including auto-rickshaws, drunken truck drivers and even Salman Khan’s Audi come to a screeching halt when they see the formidable Congress Symbol flashing at them at traffic lights.

However, many are not happy about this development.

Badrinivas, a local traffic police official, used to draw 3 times his salary by writing fake challans to speeding drivers. Now that business has dried up, he has decided to migrate to Gujarat, which he hears is now the only place in the country where things can still move fast.

Given the success of this measure, there are talks to implement it on a national scale. However, the Home Ministry is currently hard pressed to find a proper place for the Congress symbol in rural areas, where there are almost no roads or toilets.

According to Chaman Kumar, a small farmer from the Sehore district of Madhya Pradesh, there are better places for this symbol. He has used a magnified cardboard version of the Congress hand in place of scarecrows in his farms.

This has really solved the problem of pestilence; rats have completed disappeared from all lands with the Congress stronghold. This is not surprising as rats are often the first to leave a sinking ship.

Unfortunately, Chaman was forced to take the symbol down after a few weeks when he observed that anything in its shadow stopped growing.

This has affected his crops negatively but he is not too worried because of the Food Security Bill. “Perhaps they knew,” Chaman told Faking News, “that with the way things are going, very soon people would not have anything to eat, and hence they introduced the Food Security Bill.”

Now, Chaman uses the mid-day meal his daughter gets packed from her government school every day to control pestilence.