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China eyes secularism market in India, plans to manufacture skullcaps

18, Jun 2013 By Sandeep Kadian

Beijing. Sensing the market conditions that will see an increased demand of secular goods by Indian politicians, China has decided to manufacture skullcaps, which has been the best-selling secular product in the Indian political marketplace.

“Elections in India are near and there is already a rush among the politicians to prove themselves more secular than the others. So much so, that even LK Advani is appearing secular. In such a scenario, we expect politicians to go that extra mile to prove their secular credentials, and we want to provide that extra mile,” To Pi, a Chinese manufacturer told Faking News.

Chinese Man
To Pi gave this expression when asked if he saw India becoming a bigger superpower than China due to its politics and policies

Hoping to grab the first mover advantage, To Pi showcased a new range of designer skullcaps that will cater to the high end secularism market under the brand name SKAPS.

“These caps are fitted with glowing LEDs, so even if there is a power failure at a function, or journalists’ camera flashes start malfunctioning, the caps will be clearly visible, thus underscoring the secular credential of the wearer,” the Chinese businessman explained the benefits of his latest product poised to flood the Indian market.

To Pi rued that manufacturers like him missed the earlier opportunity of making designer “Main Bhi Anna” caps.

“We don’t want to lose another business opportunity,” To Pi said, “We have already received an order from the Congress party of India, while we are evaluating Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar’s proposal for an special status exclusive partnership.”

Unconfirmed sources claim that China has already contracted laborers from Pakistan.

“No, no, not to manufacture skullcaps. China can produce those in-house. Some manufacturers were thinking of creating a fake Osama Bin Laden and that’s where Pakistani expertise will be of help; you know, a fake Osama was used by Lalu Yadav and Ram Vilas Paswan during Bihar assembly elections a few years ago,” a source explained.

Apart from secular goods, Chinese manufacturers are planning to supply other political products that would be in high demand as the general elections in India get nearer; products such as flags of political parties, masks of Narendra Modi, and mini audio amplifiers playing ‘clapping’ and ‘zindabad’ sounds repetitively.

“We may not be a democratic country, but we too want to take part in the democratic process of our neighbors,” To Pi tried to give a spin to his business decision.