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CBI finds missing Coalgate files, turns them into clean chits

17, Aug 2013 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Showing incredible and unprecedented speed and competence, CBI today found all the missing files related to the coal scam, hours after they were reported to have gone missing.

The investigation agency then quickly turned them into clean chits.

“There was no point putting them back as that’s not what we are supposed to do if we find any evidence in any corruption case against the establishment. So we thought to make the best use of those papers,” a CBI source told Faking News.

Sriprakash Jaiswal
Coal Minister’s initial reactions when he was told that missing files have been found. Later he realized that they were also turned into clean chits and thus wiped the sweat off his forehead.

However CBI officials, on record, claim that their decision to turn the missing files into clean chits was necessitated after the files had become too dirty.

“They already had stains of coals and were almost black. Nothing was readable. Add to that the fact that tea was spilled on to it and there were even paan stains. When we recovered them this evening, they were lying in a gutter,” a CBI official claimed.

“We were left with no option but to clean those documents, and when we cleaned them, they had turned into clean chits. It’s a normal CBI process,” the official informed.

These evidences-turned-clean-chits will be distributed among various parties accused in the coal mines allotment scam in the coming weeks, the CBI official confirmed.

With this successful operation, CBI has asked the respective ministries to stop worrying about the lost files and “chill”.

“In fact, if they have plans to lose more files… I mean, if they have lost more files related to coal scam or some other scam, they should let us know. We’ll find those for them,” the CBI official said.

Earlier, Coal Minister Sriprakash Jaiswal had downplayed the missing files and had claimed, “jab files puraani ho jaati hai, tab woh mazaa nahi deti (there is no fun in preserving old files because they lose charm with time).”