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BJP to hold Chintan Shivir to find new ways of losing another election

15, May 2013 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. With an eye on losing the 2014 general elections and give Faking News another chance to target Congress led government for its incompetence and corruption, the benevolent opposition party BJP has called a meeting of top party leaders to finalize the losing strategy.

“Advani ji will announce the dates and venue of the Chintin Shivir in his blog, which will formally launch our march towards achieving a hat-trick of general election losses,” a BJP leader told Faking News.

Ravi Shankar Prasad
“What’s the point of winning elections?”

Party sources confirm that after losing the 2004 elections – the reasons for which are known only to Sir Ravindra Jadeja, though many political experts claim to know the same – BJP decided to focus on developing core-competency in making Congress appear marginally better in comparison on the national level.

“Our strategy worked and we lost in 2009 too!” one of the poll strategists of the party recalled, “Despite terrorist strikes, cash for votes, and economic slowdown by the UPA-1, we managed to convince the voters not to choose us.”

“However, Congress decided to raise the bar as UPA-2. They have managed to look far worse – so much of corruption, arrogance, thoughtlessness, and general bullshittery all around. We have a big challenge to make them appear marginally better,” the strategist explained why a Chintan Shivir was needed.

The Shivir will find out innovative ways through which BJP can meet their target of third successive defeat in the general elections.

“We will have various discussions and sessions during the Shivir. Sessions such as ‘How to lose votes to Kejriwal’, ‘Has Manmohan Singh resigned yet?’, and ‘Rahul Gandhi jokes’ are being organized,” a BJP leader revealed.

“There is no discussion or session planned to elect a Prime Ministerial candidate,” the leader added, “Keeping the confusion going about the PM’s candidate is one of the key factors that we believe will help us lose the next election.”