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Bhang session at IIM Lucknow called to analyze Digvijay Singh’s election strategy

07, Mar 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

Lucknow. Management students at IIM here will be having bhang and desi tharra on Holi tomorrow to better understand what Digvijay Singh was trying to do in the assembly elections of Uttar Pradesh, which saw the Congress party performing horribly even in traditional strongholds like Amethi and Raibareilly.

The idea of having a bhang and daaru session was agreed upon by the institute authorities after everyone unanimously agreed that there was no other way one could duplicate the operational environment of Digvijay Singh’s mind.

Digvijay Singh
Digvijay Singh reacts after being asked to explain his strategy to win Uttar Pradesh assembly elections

“Initially the idea was to have another of those sessions like – mismanagement lessons from Digvijay Singh – with help of a 403 slides ppt,” a member of IIM Lucknow academic council told Faking News, “But we thought we’d do something better and decided to replicate the framework that Digvijay Singh could have adopted to come up with the election strategy that nobody still have been able to fathom.”

Initially the students tried to apply known frameworks like SWOT or Porter’s five forces analysis on set of data that was similar to what Digvijay Singh could have met before the elections.

Students successfully came up with humongous amount of fraud and globe, as they usually dig up during business case analyses, but nothing came even miles closer to the gem Diggi Raja had somehow pulled off.

“We even tried some pure trash and garbage information collected from news reports and studio discussions of news channels from the pre-election times, but the outcome was still different from the pure nonsense Digvijay Singh had managed to achieve,” Akhilesh Mishra, a second year IIM Lucknow student said.

This is when students and professors of the institute realized that anything ‘normal’ was not going to help them; they needed to do something extraordinary to pull this off.

“For the betterment of humanity, we decided to unfold the mystery of Digvijay Singh’s mind and decided to go totally nuts by consuming bhang, marijuana and locally made liquor; that’s when we thought we could see some sense in what Digvijay Singh was up to,” Akhilesh said.

The mass bhang session will start at 9.00 AM tomorrow and every student, professor, and even the members of the housekeeping staff have been invited to take part in this exercise.

“Digvijay Singh too can join us if he desires but he won’t be allowed to have bhang so that every participant is at a level playing field,” Akhilesh clarified.