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Arindam Chaudhuri, Nirmal Baba in race to become India’s new Finance Minister

27, Jun 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. After Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee successfully resigned yesterday, hunt for his replacement has begun even though Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has retained the finance portfolio for now.

Although Manmohan Singh is rumored to be doing nothing as PM and thus having enough free time to hold an additional portfolio, experts believe that India needs a full-time Finance Minister as the economy is believe to be in deep shit.

To help India recover from this mess, the names of the following persons for the post of Union Finance Minister are being considered, sources tell Faking News:

Arindam Chaudhuri
Arindam Chaudhuri claims he is the number one, ahead of all other contestants.

Arindam Chaudhuri: A leading economist and management guru, who can sell dreams to millions of youth belonging to the Middle Class, currently believed to be angry with the government. Government sources believe that UPA government needs someone as capable as Prof. Chaudhuri, who can dare Indians to think beyond inflation, corruption, and incompetence, and land into utopia.

Prof. Chaudhuri had earlier presented a budget for Rahul Gandhi, which is being seen as a subtle hint that he wants the job as the nation’s number one Finance Minister.

Jairam Ramesh
Jairam Ramesh, apparently trying to scare away all the problems.

Jairam Ramesh: He seemed to have learnt the hint of subtle job application from Prof. Chaudhuri and has sent a letter to Rahul Gandhi and Sonia Gandhi on how to fix economy earlier today. With this, he has removed all chances of Montek Singh Ahluwalia, the deputy-chairman of the Planning Commission, being considered for the job.

Known for his strong views on toilets and mobile phones, Ramesh, currently the Union Rural Development Minister, is expected to flush all the problems though simple means like sending an SMS, the favorite approach of Indian masses towards solving a problem.

Baba Ramdev
Baba Ramdev, when he heard Digvijay Singh speaking about him.

Baba Ramdev: An expert on black money, corruption, textiles, Ayurveda, and Yoga, Baba Ramdev could be made the Finance Minister to please Samajwadi Party, with whom Baba is supposed to be close, and to break the unity of India Against Corruption and Internet Hindus team.

Although he is not the favorite among the Congress party, some sections in the party believe that instead of finding another PV Narsimha Rao Pranab Mukherjee, the party could blame everything on Ramdev if the economy doesn’t shape up. And if it shapes up, they can credit the leadership of Sonia Gandhi.

However, his candidature is being bitterly opposed by Digvijay Singh, who supports Nirmal Baba.

Nirmal Baba
Keeping cash in black purse can solve the financial crisis

Nirmal Baba: Digvijay Singh is reported to have become his fan the day Narendra Modi made fun of the godman who has the power to remove poverty though green chutney and samosa. Following the age old wisdom of “enemy’s enemy is friend”, Digvijay Singh decided to support Nirmal Baba even though Nirmal Baba has never accused his detractors of being RSS agents.

Since Nirmal Baba could convince millions to donate money to him, government sources believe he would be helpful in attracting investment. Furthermore, many believe that his solutions could work as all other steps by the government have failed.

Chidambaram
P Chidambaram, apparently with a file filled with clean chits.

P Chidambaram: He was the Finance Minister in UPA-I, before he was made the Home Minister as Shivraj Patil was making mess of a job there. Now that many are accusing Pranab Mukherjee of having made mess of a job, some believe that Chidambaram, the mess-cleaner should be called in.

However, he doesn’t have the popular support as he is believed to fight mess with even more mess. Also, Subramanian Swamy has been after Chidambaram’s life and many believe that he could soon be forced to resign, which will force the government to go through this exercise of choosing a new Finance Minister yet again.

Sachin Tendulkar
He knows run-rate better than anyone, but what about repo-rate?

Sachin Tendulkar: For no rhyme or reason, some experts believe that making Tendulkar the Finance Minister of India could ‘boost’ the Indian economy. Congress leader and IPL Chief Rajiv Shukla is reported to be bullish on making Tendulkar the minister as he believes this will force aam aadmi to forget all other problems. If things get any worse, Shukla proposes to give Bharat Ratna to Tendulkar, sources claim.

Tendulkar is reportedly least interested and has declined the offer saying he doesn’t know anything about Finance or Economy, but government authorities are trying their best to convince him by giving examples of Kapil Sibal and saying, “Look at him, do you think he knows anything about Education or Technology?”