Tuesday, 26th September, 2017

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AAP condemns international Yoga day, estimates huge losses to taxpayers’ body weight and inches

11, Jun 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

Jantar Mantar, New Delhi. In a massive rally conducted with help of 200 AAP supporters and 47 national news channels, senior AAP leader Ashutosh strongly condemned International Yoga day as a huge loss to Tax Payers and ordered the courts of law to ban it throughout the world in accordance with Delhi government’s orders.

After the customary Lal Salaam ceremony Ashutosh started to address the mob. Speaking on a high pitch microphone Ashutosh thundered amidst applause and anti-saffron slogans. He said, “Regular practice of Yoga is known to have significant effects on a person’s body. And Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) is afraid that taxpayers will be facing huge amount of losses in body-weight, kilos and inches? Can Modi government compensate for all that fat loss?” Ashutosh sincerely asked while looking directly at news channel cameras.

AAP waiting for 300 pages proof to arrive.
AAP waiting for 300 pages proof to arrive.

He further went into the satire mode and started to ask tougher questions to the central government. “Inches-loss will in turn have strong financial implications for these Taxpayers. People who lose weight, their clothes will no longer fit them, they would need to buy expensive new clothes from Ambani, Adani’s e-commerce websites. Will Modi government provide them with new size clothes, under some Jan-Vastra Yojna? If not, then how will the central government take care of these poor people? And what about telebrands people who sell weight-loss pills, herbal teas, exercise belts and other such equipment? They will have to shut their shops, what will their families eat? Kya yahi hain Achche din?” Ashutosh roared as song “5 saal kejriwal” was played in the background in repeat loop.

While Ashutosh was addressing this rally a strange thing was happening a few meters away. A fat man was seen desperately trying to climb a nearby tree with a rope in his hand. He was apparently there to commit suicide to protest against Yoga as a fat loss solution. A few volunteers were helping him climb the tree while a couple of others were arranging the suicide like setup at a strong branch on the top of the tree. Another senior AAP leader Dr. Kumar Vishwas was seen coordinating these efforts while smiling and discussing AAP strategies with a couple of female volunteers.

Dr. Vishwas was constantly asking questions such as “chadh gaya?” and “latak gaya?” to motivate the volunteers. After a few attempts the fat man slipped on the tree bark and came down crashing on 3 AAP volunteers who were later rushed to Apollo. The man tried again but the whole act was called off as new channel folks started to leave the rally scene owing to other commitments.

While Ashutosh was in middle of his speech a news story started breaking out on national television where in a tiger at Delhi Zoo had reportedly stopped taking food and water because the tigress he was in love with had left him for another tiger. Consequently all the media folk were immediately diverted to Delhi Zoo on urgent basis and AAP rally was abruptly ended at a “to-be-continued” note.