Thursday, 25th May, 2017
Snippets

A page from the hospital diary of the 'Ordinance'

28, Sep 2013 By idiot420

New Delhi. After a lethal attack on the ordinance by Rahul Gandhi, it was admitted into AIIMS last night. It was torn, thrown out, and bleeding, but the doctors could piece it together after some men took it to the hospital.

Regaining its consciousness, the ordinance jotted down its feelings on a page of diary, which Faking News could access from its sources. Take a read:

Rahul Gandhi and Ajay Maken
That fateful moment when the poor ordinance was given a lethal blow

“Humein to apno ne loota, ghairo me kahaan dam tha. meri kashti doobi thi wahaan, jahaan pani kam tha.”

Feeling betrayed and backstabbed. Never ever imagined that my own parents would try to kill me. Doctors and police say it was a case of attempted honor killing.

Most probably they are right. After the public outrage, looks like my parents were feeling too ashamed of me. But don’t know – if this was the fate I was supposed to meet, why did they conceive me and gave birth to me in first place?

I still remember by birthday; there was a grand party. Party and the allies were so happy. Jubilations were all around. After all, I was their savior from the Supreme Court order of disqualifying convicted legislators.

Many were treating me as avatar of Krishna who would save them from this Supreme Kans. Excited Laloo uncle had declared me as his 10th child and promised me to give 10 buffaloes and lifetime free supply of fodder for them.

Even guys from the opposition and other parties came to the birthday party and put black tika on me. kahin nazar na lag jaaye, lekin lag hi gayi.

I was branded a monster even before I took my first steps from the PMO to the President’s House. Common man started seeing me as a villain who was sent by Tamraj Kilvish to destroy the Indian democracy.

Pressure started to build on my parents to say Sorry Shaktimaan publicly, and all of a sudden I became a liability. I didn’t know that instead of saying Sorry Shaktimaan, Rahul bhaiyya will become Shaktimaan himself.

He appeared out of nowhere, just like Shaktimaan would appear out of thin air, and called me “complete nonsense”.

I felt so bad. Almost felt like Manmohan Singh. I felt worse.

Suddenly Rahul bhaiyya picked me up, tore me, and threw me out. I cried for help, but no one came forward; all of them were busy discussing this Shaktimaan act on TV channels or cracking jokes on Twitter. There, my bones were cracking.

I was orphaned. But thanks to some people who mistook me for the torn Jan Lokpal Bill, I was taken to the hospital, where the doctors saved my life.

I feel betrayed, but I am an optimist. I know all of them need me. One day or later they will come to the hospital to pick me up. Until then, andhera kaayam rahe.