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3M’s new scotch tape to hold Janata Parivar together

19, Jun 2015 By MRP

Patna. Even as Nitish Kumar was selected as Janata Parivar’s Chief Ministerial candidate in Bihar, rumours were rife that the alliance is rather shaky and the selection was hardly unanimous.

Though the top leaders of the multi-dozen parties in the coalition put up a brave front and plastic smiles, sensing trouble, they asked the American multinational 3M, a company that makes adhesive tapes among other things, to supply scotch tape to hold the Janata Parivar together.

3M declined, as they were sure their tapes could not hold the motley crew together. But the Parivar asked them to produce a new tape that could do the job. Reluctant in the beginning, 3M, took it as a challenge and after some quick R&D, came up with a new scotch tape that is hundreds of times stronger than its earlier products.

The product development head of 3M, in a press meet announced, “We have come up with a new tape. It is stronger, bigger and less transparent. The perfect combination for the Indian political scenario. A lot of effort has gone into developing it. Janata Parivar is our first customer.”

Janata Parivar held together by Scotch tape
Janata Parivar held together by Scotch tape

When asked about the tape’s strengths, he explained, “Physically, it can withstand multiple forces in different directions. Chemically, it can withstand caustic remarks, jibes, acidity, acrimony, jealousy, narrow mindedness, corrosive behavior, cunning, backstabbing and such. Even Lalu Prasad’s farm odour for instance. It can also be used to seal the mouths of leaders who would otherwise talk rubbish. However there is one disclaimer. It will work only during the run-up to the elections. And it does not guarantee power. In fact, power makes it lose its adhesiveness. If the parties that use it are indeed voted to power, the tape will disintegrate and they will go back to square one, fighting each other. Anyway, that will never happen in the case of Janata Parivar.”

When it came to giving a name to the new tape, each party had a suggestion, varying from ‘janata tape’ to ‘samajawadi tape’ to ‘janashakti tape’ to ‘democratic tape’ and others. But several of the leaders felt that their parties were not properly represented by these names. After hours of fighting and in order to accommodate all parties involved, they decided the name “samajawadi rashtriya national hindustani united secular democratic janashakti samata kranti janata tape”.

However, 3M officials were not impressed. They brought all the Parivar leaders to the table and explained, “The packing cannot take such a long name. This name is as long as the tape itself. Think about it, what is the reason behind you all coming together?” Democracy, secularism, patriotism, development, anti-communalism, etc., were the answers. 3M officials took it one step further and asked, “What is the more fundamental reason? Isn’t it Modi? The leaders answered in chorus “Yes! Exactly!”

“Then let us use the term ‘Scotch Modi’. For, in English, ‘scotch’ also means crush, cut, end, block, stamp out. Don’t you want to do all that to Mr. Modi?”

The leaders realized once again that Modi is the only factor that binds them together and defeating him is the sole purpose of their alliance. Thus was born the new product “Scotch Modi Scotch Tape”.