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Snippets

Transcript of journalists chatting after being arrested for paid news

15, Mar 2014 By Sandeep Kadian

Date: 30th May 2014

General elections in India are over and AAP has formed the government with the support of 47 other like-minded parties.

Arvind Kejriwal has taken bachcho ki oath of Prime Minister and as promised, has sent top Indian journalists to Tihar jail for airing news against AAP corruption and paid news.

Secret camera and microphone installed in the jail (installed by the government everywhere as hidden cameras ensure honesty) recorded their conversation as it happened.

Below is the transcript of their conversation accessed by Faking News:

Jail
The exclusive pictures of journalists

Barkha Dutt: We are coming to you live from the lawns of The White House.

Rajdeep Sardesai: Barkha, News over noise, sense over sensationalism, truth over hype. We are in Tihar right now, not The White House.

Barkha Dutt: We are live here in the lawns of Tihar…

Rajdeep Sardesai: Barkha.. Barkha.. What lawn? Forget the lawn.. We are in our cell in Tihar!

Sagarika Ghose: Oh forget her lawn. Tell me, do we have internet here?

Rajdeep Sardesai: Internet? Why?

Sagarika Ghose: Oh I had to tweet my questions to Narendra Modi. He never answered them earlier. Now that he’s in the opposition, I think he will answer them now.

Barkha Dutt: Oh your questions!

Sagarika Ghose: Better than your reports!

Barkha Dutt: Oh please, have you checked the TRPs of our respective shows?

Arnab Goswami: WAIT A MINUTE… WAIT JUST A MINUTE… DID SOMEONE MENTION TRP? TELL ME YOU DIDN’T BRING UP TRP. THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW WHO BROUGHT UP TRP?

Rajdeep Sardesai: Arnab, sense over sensa…

Barkha Dutt: Wait Rajdeep wait… Today I will ask Mr. Bombastic. Which nation is this Arnab, haan? WHICH NATION? You have taken away all the TRPs screaming nation nation nation, today I WILL SCREAM… WHAT IS THIS NATION? WHO IS THIS NATION? WHERE IS THIS NATION?

Arnab Goswami: wo… err… Hmmmm… My wife has given me that nickname. She calls me “nation” at home. I just mean that I want to know.

Rajdeep Sardesai: Fair enough Arnab. But where does it leave Rahul Kanwal now? He’s been religiously following your style. Now he will be devastated to know this.

Rahul Kanwal: Whatever man, I don’t care.

Rajdeep Sardesai: What happened Rahul, Why are you so sad?

Rahul Kanwal: After months of trying, I got Somnath Bharti to agree to an interview and I end up in jail on the day of the interview!

Sagarika Ghose: I feel your pain Rahul. Even my Twitter interview with…

Rahul Kanwal: Oh forget your interview. I didn’t just tweet questions. To make sure Bharti agrees, I gave him transcript of the interview before it happened. Invited Shazia ilmi, Prashant Bhushan, Manish Sisodia as neutral guests, agreed to air the interview for 30 days in a row, and then, I end up here before I could get the interview done! Life is so damn unfair. Now that Sawant or Aroor will take all the credit for my exclusive interview.

(Suddenly the door to the cell opens and Amitabh Bachchan walks in)

Rajdeep Sardesai: Arey Mr. Bachchan you? What corruption were you accused of?

Amitabh Bachchan: I said “Kuch din to guzaaro Gujarat mein”, Kejriwal replied, “Pehle kuch raat bitao Tihar mein”.