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Rahul Mahajan makes India proud, first Human to be cloned

31, Jul 2010 By Prabuddha

Mumbai. After having the last laugh on the Indian Television, Rahul Mahajan, the child of reality destiny, is finally set to leave his mark in the pages of history and science together. Believe it or not, he has been chosen as the first human being to be cloned by the scientists. Ian Wilmut of Roslin Institute, Scotland confirmed the development.

Ian was ecstatic while uttering, “I can’t believe, yes, after 15 years of Dolly, the sheep – the first mammal to be cloned – we are doing it again. And this time it’s a human being, well, almost.”

When asked how did he come to know about Rahul, the man behind Dolly added, “We were surfing Indian news channels to take stock of the exact situation of tigers in India and if we could help clone some tigers for them, but all Indian news channels were showing this guy who hardly had anything to do with a tiger save for some claw marks on a lady’s thigh, supposedly his wife.”

While Ian WIlmut kept a straight face talking about it, we smelled a rat and probed further till we reached the final truth. And it was a shocker.

We have learned that 7 Indian news channels had approached Roslin Institute with a deal. They asked them to clone Rahul Mahajan for a sum of $3.5 billion. Being a purist Institute, it refused the offer first but then for the sheer love of science, changed its mind and closed the deal for $4.7 billion.

Rahul Mahajan has confirmed it saying, “Since for the next few months I am not doing any reality show, I thought why not this. It sounds fun and I am game for anything that remotely sounds fun. Moreover, it’s not for free, the channels have promised me a year’s supply of marijuana, heroin, opium, and news coverage. This is over and above 3.5 Cr. cash as per the contract.”

Rahul Dimpy on Aaj Tak, sabse tez
Indian news channels love Rahul Mahajan

But where does all this lead to? That’s the question on everybody’s mind. Why are the channels doing it? The answer comes from TV critic Poonam Verma, “See, it’s simple. The day Rahul’s wife beating thing appeared on the screens, all channels went into a tizzy. Though they successfully arranged every imaginable creature associated with Rahul, they could not get Rahul Mahajan to comment till very late. So, in a way they lost on the TRP of the daytime. Just imagine if they had a Rahul clone at that time.”

“And since Rahul has proved his mettle and will keep on giving some big stories, the channels don’t seem in a mood to take chances.” she added.

The only problem is, Roslin Institute will be producing only one clone and it would have to be used amongst all the 7 news channels which have poured in huge sums. But the channels have devised a plan. As per the white paper on the ‘Clone Use Policy’ in our possession, a common studio will be built to host the clone and each channel can place their cameras over there and broadcast images and interview of Rahul with their own EXCLUSIVE watermarks.

“We are anyway doing the same thing currently.” CNN-IBN editor-in-chief Rajdeep Sardesai said.

According to reports from the Scottish Institute, the Rahul Mahajan clone will be delivered by 15 September 2010, while channels are expecting another Big Story from Rahul Mahajan by the first week of October.