New Delhi. Indian news channels have sent a request to North Korean premier Kim Jong Un to hold off any possible war with South Korea till they find a person who can pass off as a North Korean expert on their 9 PM debates.
The letter signed by heads of Times Now, CNN IBN, NDTV, and Headlines Today channels was dispatched via speed-post earlier today and is expected to reach Pyongyang by the end of the year.
Speaking to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, a news anchor said, “We have been trying to avoid this problem in Korean peninsula right now but in case of a full-fledged war, the issue may become unavoidable. For that scenario, we need to have an expert panel ready and as of now; we don’t have anyone who knows squat about Korea, North or South. If Kim Jong Un can delay the war just for a few days, I am sure we can find an expert or train someone to act like one anyway.”
“We can’t repeat what we did in the Italian marines’ case where we paraded the first Italian we found on Twitter as the leading political expert from Italy as there is nobody from North Korea on Twitter. We may try to get in touch with Dennis Rodman but we assume he will be busy with CNN,” the news anchor added.
When we asked why they don’t use the usual suspects who are ‘experts’ on every topic, the news anchor said “Every time we mention Korea in front of them, they straight away start comparing Samsung with iPhone. We will use them for our technology debates but for a war, they are useless.”
As per sources, it took a few hours for the news channels to agree on this letter as Editor-in-Chief of one news channel did not feel the need for any such letter. Reportedly, the earlier mentioned Editor-in-Chief said, “I can have 7 cardboard cutouts along with Maroof Raza and conduct the debate on any war. Nobody will even know the difference from our usual programming.”
However, after much persuasion he agreed to sign this letter, triggering celebrations across the news channels.
When we asked why should Kim Jong Un listen to Indian news channels, the news anchor said, “Poochne me kya jaata hai?”