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Govt launches Media Protection Group security force to protect journos from trolls

17, Apr 2015 By The Reviewer

New Delhi. In a world first, the government of India today announced formation of a new security force to tackle the growing menace of journalists being corrected with facts and figures trolled on social media.

Journalists from every spectrum, especially towards the Red side of the VIBGYOR, and of all kinds – from mainstream-TV-and-Print-professional-outragers to listicle-makers-passing-as-journos – have been bringing to attention the grave hazards of trolling for years now.

At the fore front of this movement to stop this wide spread trolling that physically and mentally harms journalists so much it puts ISIS barbarians to shame, have been top journalists like Rajdeep Ghose, Sagarika Sardesai, and Barka Dhatt.

Protection Group
Sources say that journalists preferred such a dress, where anonymous and unrecognizable people come to their defense with lethal weapons.

Bakar Patel, a print columnist told this reporter, “I go to a lot of media conclaves in Pakistan. I find it amusing when my Pak friends share stories of journalists disappearing overnight and being found with mutilated bodies next morning. And then I tell them about horrors we face here in India of online trolling and minister calling us names, and they thank their stars they were born in my beautiful beloved Pakistan.”

“It is a war zone out here! A lesser journo would have moved to ISIS territory to report from there. So much safer than India,” he added, “But not me, I will face these monsters head on, by not even being on Twitter or Facebook.”

Taking cognizance of this grave threat that once pushed Rajdeep Ghose to physically assault one troll in the USA, the government has finally announced formation of Media Protection Group (MPG), which will act like SPG and allow journalists to say or write whatever they imagine without being woken up to reality.

“MPG will be a state of the art facility, a combination of SPG and NSG. And we will employ anti-troll technology from Israel. Any abusive comment to a journo, and a troll will get 100s of instant abuses from our state of the art anti-troll accounts,” Home Minister Rajnath Singh explained the working of the MPG.

“And a swat team will paradrop to troll’s home within 30 seconds and take them down and then arrest their families under MCOCA or POTA or something. Even cabinet ministers will not be spared. Gen VK Singh has been warned,” he further disclosed.

Rajdeep Ghose was ecstatic when this Faking News reporter told him about the development.

“I am pleased at this, probably the first sensible move by an otherwise anti-media moronic government with mass murderer leaders and illiterate ministers who call us names. Name calling is the worst violence for journalists, but you expect this from an establishment headed by monsters and rioters. But finally the disgusting duffers have got some sense,” he said.

On asked if Rajdeep was the one who coined the term “Supaari Journalists”, this reporter was sent to Media Protection Group Anda Cell number 3, from where MPG have graciously allowed this reporter to file this report.

This reporter was being called “asshole” and repeatedly being hit in his face while being made to read books authored by some journalists when reports last came in.