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Dead NASA satellite debris crash-lands on India TV’s office

24, Sep 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

Noida. American space agency NASA has confirmed that a large chunk from its dead satellite UARS (Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite) has fallen upon the office of Indian television news channel India TV. Although no one was killed in the incident, the impact caused a big hole in the roof of the television channel’s building and at least three employees suffered concussion on their heads causing them to temporarily lose their senses.

“They can’t think straight after the roof fell on them, but they continued working and writing news reports after getting some first aid,” confirmed an employee of India TV on conditions of anonymity, “Doctors say that they will get back to their senses after a week, but they appear to be working just fine. They wrote various news reports that were as good as they used to write before losing their senses.”

However, India TV administration are seeking compensation from NASA and the US government as they claim that their office building and some suspected journalists have suffered huge losses.

“Maybe it didn’t cause much loss in terms of human resources, but what about that big hole in the roof. Forget journalists, but how can we survive without a roof?” CEO of India TV argued, and declared the now damaged area in the ceiling as “Roof Zero – India’s Ground Zero”.

India TV reports about aliens loving cow milk
If India TV fails to get any compensation from NASA, they could claim that the debris was part of an aircraft of aliens who had come on earth to kidnap cows.

It should be noted that under the existing international space law, US could be asked to pay damages to a country hit by falling debris of an American satellite. This is guaranteed under the “Liability Convention” of 1972, of which India is a signatory.

However, there is another treaty under the space law called the “Rescue Agreement”, which makes it incumbent upon a claimant to first inform the US about the discovery of the debris and facilitate its return before claiming the damages.

This could become tricky as India TV employees have badly disfigured the fallen chunk of UARS and it no longer looks like debris of any satellite.

“There was large scale panic in the studio after the debris fell and people thought it was the result of black magic by a suspected daayan (witch) living in Sector 56 of Noida,” a source in India TV described the initial reaction of the journalists, “Many journalists rushed towards the debris and started beating it with camera stands and mantras, after which dozens of nimbu-mirchi totems were tagged onto it to ward off any evil forces inside.”

Faking News reporter can confirm that the UARS debris now looks like a prop from Ramsay Brothers’ horror movie more than any space object, and NASA could as well refuse to accept it as any evidence.

“NASA didn’t pay even 400 dollars to Australia when their satellite Skylab fell inside the Australian territory,” a space scientist pointed out, “India TV should forget about getting any compensation. Instead, they should try to make as much news from it as possible and try to earn enough to repair the damaged roof.”

But India TV can still hope to get some compensation as there is a piece of evidence that could go in their favor – the update on the NASA website. The update reads:

“UARS has crashed landed and people should now stop worrying. Everyone in the US is safe as the debris has hit a cartoon television channel in India, causing very minor damages. NASA is happy that the whole affair has ended safely.”