Bangalore. Vijay Mallya, the liquor baron who bought and leased aircrafts to accompany his business of interviewing air hostesses, has finally given up on running the interview business. He has announced shutting shop and transferring the business to Mamata Banerjee, who can run businesses without caring about earning revenues.
Ms. Banerjee has earlier successfully run Indian Railways on this model and Mallya hopes that she would be able to do the same with Kingfisher Airlines.
“I have realized that my focus and motive was never to ferry passengers from one city to another; I started this business only to interview young pretty girls desirous of joining as air hostesses,” Mallya said. He rejected insinuations that the airline business was started to promote his liquor business.
“I bought an IPL team for that,” he candidly admitted.
The Chairman of the UB group said that he had given up on all hopes of reviving his air-hostess-interviewing business and would instead focus on cheerleaders-interviewing business.
“We are thinking of making some changes to the business model of running the IPL team,” he said, “But we can’t continue with this Kingfisher Airlines as it’s not generating any revenues for us with flights being cancelled each day.”
Mallya declared that he’d be transferring all the assets of Kingfisher Airlines to Mamata Banerjee, who can run a business as big as Indian Railways without focusing of revenue generation.
“All I want in return is Dinesh Trivedi,” Mallya offered the deal.
Surprisingly, Mamata Banerjee has decided to accept the deal and has announced that Kingfisher Airlines will be taken over by Indian Railways and run as a pro-poor airline on the lines of railways.
“All those pilots and other staff members who are protesting non-payment of salaries must come back to work if they are not CPM workers,” Mamata Di announced after taking reins of Kingfisher Airlines.
Didi further announced that Kingfisher Airlines will no longer be red in color and will be painted blue all over. Air hostesses would be from the disadvantaged sections of the society and the AC would be turned off during takeoff and landing to make it genuinely pro-poor.
When asked by Faking News on how she intends to earn the cash required to keep Kingfisher in operation and to paint it blue, Mamata Banerjee showed her mobile phone.
“Yes ma’am, Mukul Roy will be the new minister. Thanks for your support. Anything else I may help with?” read an SMS by Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.