Friday, 21st October, 2016

Tata to launch new tea against corruption, to promote it as ‘ab jaag bhi jao re’

26, Mar 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Realizing that corruption has spared no institution, not even army and judiciary, Tata has decided to launch a new tea that can hopefully fight corruption as nothing else seems to be working. Tata tea, one of the prominent anti-corruption movements in India, is going to up the ante and launch a stronger tea that will need water boiling at over 100 degree Celsius and pure milk.

“Citizens will have to prepare this tea in a pressure cooker,” Anna Hazarika, a Tata tea brand manager informed, “Earlier the boiling water was supposed to represent the anger of common man, but now we need pressure cooker to replicate the situation.”

Anna further informed that the new tagline of the new tea would be “ab jaag bhi jao re” that loosely translates to – wake up and take note you morons.

Jaago Re TV ad
People have already forgotten this Jaago-Re guy. Most people thought he was some MTV Roadies contestant.

Jaago Re was a good campaign, but it couldn’t create the kind of impact we had imagined,” the brand manager rued.

Apart from super-hot scalding water, the new tea will further need pure milk, not diluted by water or contaminated with synthetic substances.

Aam aadmi has to worry, and I guess he can be made to worry if we ask him to find pure milk or sugar; he doesn’t worry about scams anymore,” Anna told Faking News.

However, experts believe that such token steps won’t reduce corruption.

“If tea could reduce corruption, government offices would have been the most honest place,” an expert said, “Every government office has unlimited supply of chai-paani.”

The expert, working in Planning Commission, instead proposed a “Bribery Line” on the lines of “Poverty Line” that recognizes only those amounts as bribes that fall above the threshold defined.

“To start with, we should have 14 crore rupees as the bribery line,” the expert argued, “Any bribe under this should be treated as legal transaction.”

But this has caused outrage among the politicians and bureaucrats.

“14 crore rupees!? What do they think? We are some Army Chief?” a senior officer in the government said, “This much we can earn by just passing on mobile numbers and other sundry details to lobbyists. If corruption is to be removed, it should be 14,000 lakh crore rupees.”

The common man didn’t react to either of these ideas.