New Delhi. The Supreme Court’s recent ruling that “demand for too much sex” is valid ground for divorce under the Hindu Marriage Act has thrown the legal world into turmoil. Faced with a possible flood of divorce requests and appeals from randy partners, the Supreme Court has set up a panel to investigate just how much sex is too much.
The panel has attracted much interest and competition for places is stiff. However, the applications of academics, gynecologists, doctors and psychologists did not make much headway; the panel is made up entirely of SC judges, advocates, and their “associates”.
In the past week the panel has spent almost a crore on “personal investigations”, including employing around 50 “internationally qualified research assistants” who allow the panelist to “get a feel for the issue”.
“We’re still undecided,” said one panel member who declined to be named as his wife reads Faking News, “our sample is too small. There are so many numbers we haven’t called yet and so many ‘executive services’ we have not fully researched.”
“It is surprising how much sex the human body can manage,” another told our reporter (who was under strict instructions not to touch “the employees” as FN could not afford them), “especially her”, he added, pointing towards “Svetlana”, who was entertaining those present with some “non-folk dancing”.
The SC has directed that India must adhere to international standards. Consequently, the panel is taking a global view of the issue. It has carefully examined 10,000 hours of “related visual material” and has concluded that “women from California seem to like it the most”, followed by women from central Europe and Scandinavia.
“We will look into East Asia once Rahul gets the paypal accounts sorted,” said a panelist, “I’m particularly looking forward to research on Japan. If it’s anything like those comics then… whoa!”
Concerned by this judicial “activism”, many citizen groups have called for government intervention and asked the government to allow them to “explore the matter deeply”.
Leading the civil protests was Swami Nithyananda, who argued that the whole exercise was futile as there was no cruelty involved in demands for excess sex. “Excess isn’t cruelty,” he said, “It’s the first steps on the path to enlightenment. It’s just that the path is longer for some people than others. My path is particularly long.”
But many citizen groups have rejected the claims of Swami Nithyananda and have also pre-emptively forbidden Bollywood actor Shakti Kapoor to comment on the issue even as Mahesh Bhatt and Emraan Hashmi were ready to hold a press conference.
Some old people have wondered why the young needed to invent this new form of “cruelty” when traditional forms were still in vogue. “In my day sex was just something you did to women,” said an elderly passer-by, “now there’s all this talk of ‘cruelty’ with these young people, whatever happened to good old domestic violence?”
The government too has taken a note of the issue and has decided to form a GOM (Group of Ministers) to look into the matter. The decision to form a GOM was taken after senior Congress leader and former Governor of Andhra Pradesh N D Tiwari declined proposal to head an independent commission, saying he could “make his own arrangements”.