Tuesday, 21st November, 2017

Snippets

Smokers in Delhi request Punjab farmers to burn nicotine along with stubble

09, Nov 2017 By Jal Kukdi

The Delhi youth have started a http://change.org petition requesting Punjab farmers to burn nicotine along with paddy stubble. Ankit Jain, a youth leader in Delhi, came up with this idea while smoking in the smog.

crop-burning

Speaking to Faking News, he said, “It felt very inefficient to smoke during a smog. I realized that if they just burnt a bit of nicotine along with the stubble, I could as well be smoking by just breathing.”

Not to be left behind by this revolutionary idea, the mint candy manufacturers have started a petition demanding their candy be mixed in Delhi water supply so that smokers can have mint after ‘smoking’.

The petition, which got 10 lakh signs within a week, has really caught the imagination of chain smokers who are crowd funding an initiative to incentivize Punjab farmers to burn nicotine. According to a 2016 report, a large number of chain-smokers had already moved to Delhi after hearing that breathing there was like smoking 40 cigarettes.

Speaking of non-smokers’ concerns in Delhi, Ankit Jain said, “These non-smokers anyway hardly go out during the stubble burning season in late October and November every year. They spend all of their times indoors near air-purifiers bitching about the smog. So this will change nothing for them.”

The health enthusiasts and secret-smokers also heartily welcomed the petition to Punjab farmers. One secret-smoker said, “Bhai! You have no idea how big this is. If this happens, it would lift a huge burden off my heart now that I wouldn’t have to lie to my wife. She’s been threatening divorce if I don’t quit smoking.”

“What a genius idea this is. Going out for a smoke is now the same as going for long walks. Sutta bhi aur saath mein exercise bhi..bhai bhai,” said a couple of health enthusiasts who signed the petition said.