Saturday, 23rd September, 2017

Snippets

Senior bureaucrat announces retirement from scams

14, Jul 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Imaan Singh Albela, a senior bureaucrat who turned 51 earlier this year, has announced retirement from taking part in any scams even though he would continue to be a public servant for the rest of his employment period.

Talking exclusive to Faking News, for which he charged 50,000 rupees as bribe, Imaan announced, “This is my last bribe, and now I officially declare myself retired from all kind of dishonest and illegitimate activities. No more contribution to any scam from me.”

Bribery
The bribe, equivalent to Faking News’ annual revenue, which was paid to Imaan Singh Albela for this interview.

Recalling his scam-filled career, Imaan claimed that the made many friends who helped him earn thousands times more than what he could have otherwise earned as an honest bureaucrat.

“Taking part in scams is an intellectually energizing exercise,” the retired scamster informed, “Your planning needs to be foolproof, you must analyze an issue from all perspectives, you have to work on a strategy to make sure the plan is not sabotaged, and above all, you have to come up with an economically viable plan.”

“It’s far more challenging to work out a successful scam than to design and implement a no-brainer non-scam uninteresting government project,” he said.

Imaan thanked all his colleagues who always helped him in carrying out scams, sometimes not even related to the department he was working with. He claimed that scamsters never discriminated people based on their caste, religion, language, etc. and everyone was motivated just by a singular and common motive of looting the taxpayers’ money.

“Now that I would be dealing with officers who have no interest in loot, guess I might be subjected to discrimination,” Imaan feared for his future as he has almost a decade of service left.

Imaan refused to divulge his future plans and declined to comment when asked if he could be mentoring present and aspiring scamsters, as retired professionals usually do.

“All I can say right now is that I want to take rest and become honest,” he said.

According to government sources, with this unusual decision, Imaan has become the first bureaucrat who has taken voluntary retirement from taking part in public loot of government coffers.

“We are shocked,” said officer Kuku Ghosh, a habitual and serial scamster posted in the Income Tax department, “Normally once we take part in a scam, we continue taking part in various scams till we have the job. Sometimes, even retired officials are roped in to take part in scams, like the Tatra truck deal. We hope this is an isolated case.”

“Once a scamster, always a scamster,” Kuku claimed.

(originally written for and published in English daily DNA)