Censor Board Chief Pahlaj Nihalani, who has taken upon himself the responsibility to ‘preserve India’s culture’ has announced that he will be wielding his scissor on cricket matches too, especially the ones where India is performing badly.
Sources say that India’s horrendous loss to the visitors in the Pune test prompted Pahlaj Nihalani to ‘take matters in his own hands’ and stop cricketing losses from breaking the cultural fabric.
Speaking to Faking News Mr. Nihalani said, “Cricket is religion in India and losing matches is against our culture and as you now it’s my duty to preserve it. So I have decided to show only those portions of the match where our team is not performing badly.”
Fans welcomed the decision and for the first time praised the censor chief for his ingenuity. Sources say that its not just the losses, on field player interactions will also be in the cross-hair
Australians are known for sledging and given the fact that Virat Kohli too doesn’t hold back, there is a high possibility that abuses would be flying around in the 2nd Test. MR. Nihalani said that though a few bad words there and there just add to the excitement of the game, but if players are found using ‘maa behen ki gaali‘ or the F-word, he will personally walk up to the players and censure them.
The idea however is not foolproof, which works for those who are watching the match on TV. But what about those in the stadium? According to Mr. Nihalani these were teething problems and would be sorted soon.
The censor chief also indicated that cricket matches were just the start and he plans to expand it to news debates too. “There is so much shouting and screaming going on news channels these days. We are a peaceful country and such verbal violence is against our culture. I thought after the exit of that Goswami guy, there would be some sanity restored. But seems like i’d have to step in after all to cleanse the mess,” he said.
Mr. Nihalani also revealed his mega plan for preserving the culture and tradition of the country. Apparently, a huge cryogenic storage tank will be installed at the basement of the Censor Board office for storing the culture. “We have everything under control and we are going as per guidelines. The culture will be safe in these tanks for many years,” he reassured.