Bangalore. Ever since Alpagya Shukla, a senior coder working in the mobile software firm Volcano, got his iPhone 4, he has been on an indefinite mission to show it to all his colleagues.
A pain in the ass for everyone for the past two weeks, Alpagya reported early today that probably there was one person still left out in the office, whom he has not been able to show his new phone.
“I guess it’s that guy with French-cut beard in accounts department,” Alpagya tried to conclude as he struck off names in a list of employees obtained from the HR department. Sources say that Alpagya was handed out the list by an HR executive after he couldn’t put up with two hours of unsolicited tutorial on iPhone applications that Alpagya was giving to him.
“It was a couple of weeks back when Alpagya acquired an iPhone and since then the office has become a concentration camp,” said Prasanna Raghavan, who is Alpagya’s unfortunate colleague at the workplace. “It started with him sending us pointless documents about how Apple got its strange name and iconic logo with a bite,” recalls Prasanna, who still gets nightmares of the ‘Tip Calculator’ application tutorial that Alpagya gave, whenever he sees a waiter in a restaurant.
Rohan Sripad, another colleague, seconds Prasanna, “Alpagya has been a showy guy right from the beginning. Just that now he chooses to tell time to a bystander from his iPhone, as compared to two weeks back when he would take out his white MacBook to do the same.”
Faking News has learned that Alpagya’s colleagues have started calling him “iPhoney” owing to his loud and cheesy habit of flaunting his iPhone. Some of them have even ‘unliked’ the ‘Hey US! India Is Not Your Dumping Ground!‘ Facebook page that was created by Alpagya prior to buying his iPhone 4.
Alpagya however defends his actions and terms his colleagues as jealous fucks.
“These are the same guys who were envious when I had got a promotion. They just can’t see anyone being superior to them,” said an overwhelmed Alpagya. But sources confirm that Alpagya was not given a promotion in the last two appraisals, and in fact he had been living like a dejected soul till he got his phone.
“This iPhone has made Alpagya rise like a phoenix from the ashes,” Rohan said, “Or maybe he would call it iAshes!”
But Alpagya maintains that those finding his actions annoying and frustrating are iDiots.