Washington, DC. US President Barack Obama, while welcoming the patent awarded to an affiliate of RSS for developing an anti-cancer drug extracted from cow urine, has issued a strict warning to the developers against any damages or environmental hazards arising out of their efforts to mass produce the drug. The President has especially reiterated his zero tolerance policy for any kinds of liquid spills within the US territories.
“RSS and their friends are welcome to develop the anti-cancer drug in the USA and our nation would be happy to consume and sell it. But we don’t want any trouble on our territory. The companies have to make sure that bullshit cow-dung is properly disposed and there are no large scale spills of stored cow-urine.” the US President said.
According to sources, RSS is all set to form a special company called Bovine Power Private Limited, which will produce, market and sell the patented drug all over the world. Apart from the drug, the company also has plans to produce power through Gobar Gas Plants, thus lessening the US dependence on fossil fuels and Uranium for their energy needs and freeing up such resources, which they will be selling to India as part of the Nuclear Deal.
But the company’s initials (BP) and its plan to form a gas plant gave the US administration jitters, reminding them of the recent oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico as well as the Bhopal Gas Tragedy.
“We had specific inputs that due to the recent political rhetoric and media attention on Warren Anderson and Dow Chemicals, some extremist elements in India were outraged and feeling hateful of USA, and that they could try to avenge the Bhopal Gas Tragedy. We can’t let Indians put any gas plants without the necessary checks.” a White House official informed why RSS was suddenly under scanner hours after winning accolades for patenting the drug.
RSS, on their part, have denied any plans to gas the Americans or spill urine over them. In fact, the organization has claimed that even if there was any spill, it would do more benefit to the environment and human beings than any damage.
“We urge the Americans to gulp down the urine if and when such a spill happens. Not only it will clean up the area, it will as well clean up their bodies of any ailments and sins.” RSS spokesperson Ram Madhav said, further adding, “If drinking human urine could clean up the body, as demonstrated by ex-PM Morarji Desai, you can’t even imagine benefits of drinking cow urine.”
RSS also rejected the criticism that they were trying to impose Hindu faith on Americans by asking them to drink cow urine. They claimed that drinking urine was practiced in all the major religions.
“All religions advocate benefits peace and piss.” he informed.
RSS is hopeful of convincing the US authorities of its intentions and is planning to apply for visa on behalf of thousands of its urine rich cows.