New Delhi. Reacting to repeated ceasefire violations by Pakistan, Government of India today defined a new LoC (Line of Ceasefire) that aims to bring down the number of ceasefire violations by Pakistan.
“See, the LoC is the international border for all practical purposes. It’s because of this invention that we are able to show whole of Jammu & Kashmir as part of India. We were looking for similar inventions that allows us to show better picture than what is there in reality,” said a source from the PMO.
According to sources, just as the original LoC was setup and agreed upon by both the countries to demarcate land that comes under the purview of respective administrations, the new LoC intends to stipulate what comes under the purview of ceasefire violations and what doesn’t.
As per this new LoC (Line of Ceasefire), any act of aggression will not amount to a “ceasefire violation” unless Pakistani soldiers (or terrorists wearing Army uniform) have crossed the LoC (Line of Control) more than 6 times a day.
Explaining the logic, Minister External Affairs Salman Khurshid said, “See, we all know that Pakistan is a cricket crazy nation. So it may so happen that they have to come on our side only to fetch a ball that has been hit during a friendly match between Army XI and Taliban XI. So we must be good neighbors and give them a benefit of doubt at least 6 times, if not more.”
“And sometimes fights during cricket turn ugly and people attack each other. So it would be foolish to assume any casualty arising out of a cricket ball retrieving act was a deliberate attempt to kill our countrymen,” Khurshid further explained how the new LoC will not recognize “ordinary” incidents as serious violations.
Apart from this, “regular” deaths of Indian soldiers and civilians will not be seen as an example of ceasefire violations.
“Soldiers join army to die. This fact was explained earlier by an honorable leader in Bihar. Similarly, so many people die in freak accidents, so it smacks of jingoism if we keep shouting ceasefire violations over just a few deaths,” a government source told Faking News.
With this new LoC, the government hopes that the number of ceasefire violations will come down by 70% and peace will prevail in Jammu & Kashmir.
Apart from this, the government is also thinking of asking Pakistan to step up current ceasefire violations till it becomes a routine affair for Indians and a particularly agitated prime time news anchor.
“This way the violations will become a regular thing and people would get used to it, just as they have got used to Scams, a family’s entitlement to rule nation, and Ishant Sharma being smashed for sixes,” a government source explained.