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Nation debates Tendulkar’s new hairstyle and new President

05, May 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Two significant developments kept Indians on their toes in the past week – a new hairstyle selected by Sachin Tendulkar and a new President to be selected by our elected representatives. While both of these issues might look disparate to us, experts believe that both are similar and almost equally important to the citizens of India.

“Both are related with the main issue of ‘appearance at the top’,” Sourav Sharma, an expert on constitutional corporeal issues, explained, “The President is the ‘head’ of the state while a hairstyle is all about the head.”

Experts like Sourav point out that Tendulkar’s new hairstyle had been in place for over a month now – in fact, he got his historical 100th international century wearing a new hairstyle – but it became a matter of public discussion only recently, perhaps triggered by the debate around Tendulkar’s nomination to Rajya Sabha.

Sachin Tendulkar with Pratibha Patil
Both of them have been in news lately, apparently for similar reasons.

Similarly the post of President had existed for all these years – the incumbent President even addresses the nation each year – but people woke up to take note of the post only recently, perhaps triggered by the news of President’s foreign trips and accusation of land grabbing.

“Citizens have been treating both the issues in a similar manner,” Sourav claimed, “Maybe because both of them affect them in a similar manner, i.e. a common man’s life is impacted as much due to a new President as it is impacted due to a new hairstyle by Tendulkar.”

When asked to explain, Sourav first picked the case of Tendulkar. He claimed that his new hairstyle could impact the lives of many, especially of those desirous of looking like him.

“They will need to get a new haircut,” he said, “In fact, they will have to spend on hair straightening and coloring.”

“And not just the wannabe duplicates and lookalikes, millions of fans would need to change their posters, wallpapers, social networking display pictures, etc.,” he added.

Sourav then went on to enumerate some ‘commercial impacts’ of Sachin’s new hairstyle; such as rise in demand for wax, as Sachin’s statues at Madame Tussauds might need to be modified, and rise in demand for shampoo, with Tendulkar fans copying his hairstyle – developments, he claimed, could impact even India’s GDP and Balance of Payments status.

He stopped only after Faking News interrupted and asked him to compare this with the election of a new President.

“A new President too has impact on the common man’s life, such as… ummm… hmmm… you know… as in…” Sourav tried to find the relation, “I mean… a new President also causes some changes in the way we live.”

When probed further, and after much thinking, he said, “Yes! One needs to update the blogs, websites, text-books, and other lists with a new name. And if the new President is a man this time, they’d need to change even the pronouns. There is some impact you see!”

(originally written for and published in English daily DNA)