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Snippets

Man creates history spending 45 minutes inside an ATM

06, Aug 2016 By RT

Navi Mumbai. A man of mid thirties had spent 45 minutes inside an ATM today. The incident was reported by another man who had spent the entire 45 minutes outside the ATM for his turn to arrive.

Huge queue outside the ATM
Huge queue outside the ATM, while Neil grappled with the IVR

Faking News met both the men for an exclusive interview. The excerpts:

FN: Mr. S. Neil, we don’t have fake pleasantries that we are aware of. Let me ask you straight! What did you do for 45 minutes inside an ATM?

Neil: First of all, I want to declare, for the record, that I am not dumb as most of you would think. So, calling me, pronouncing my name as S. Neil, including my initial, I don’t appreciate it. I am no snail ok?

FN: ok Mr. Neil, what did you do for 45 minutes?

Neil: I want to answer your question in parts, in 3 equal 15 minutes segments. Which segment you interested in first?

FN: Let us go in sequence! First 15 minutes, please.

Neil: First 15 minutes is the settle down time. I had a long walk to this ATM, for about 30 minutes. I got completely wet, 25% by rain water, pouring down on me and the remaining 75% by road water, pouring up on me, courtesy of passing by vehicles.

It took 5 minutes to wipe my head inside the safety of an ATM and 10 minutes to do a change of clothes. In rainy season, it helps to carry change of clothes in a water proof pack. Know what I mean?

FN: Do you know there are cameras inside an ATM?  Anyway, changed and dried up, why did you stay the next 30 minutes?

Neil: Segment by segment, remember? For the next 15 minutes, I called and talked to a customer care officer of the bank. Actually the first 5 minutes with an IVR and the next 10 minutes with the officer. Finally, I have fixed an appointment for getting a personal loan.

FN: I don’t believe this. In an ATM room?

Neil: I didn’t believe the advertisement either, both in a poster and also on the kiosk screen of the ATM. So I did as advertised. Called them!

FN: Surely, there is no reason to hang around for the last 15 minutes. You changed your clothes and got your personal loan initiated. Take the money and leave, right?

Neil: Not that fast. The moment I inserted my debit card to take cash, the machine said temporarily unavailable. In my measurement, anything temporary is 15. All my relationships lasted only 15 days. Can you believe it? Anyway, I decided to wait for 15 minutes as a turnaround time to normalcy. So I waited patiently for 15 minutes.

FN: Did the machine become available?

Neil: No. The guy waiting outside finally lost his cool and started banging the door.

FN: OK. Mr. S. Neil, Thank you! Have to catch your partner in the record making.

FN: Hey man, you! Did you wait for 45 minutes outside an ATM for your turn to arrive? You both created history today.

“I don’t know anything about that. I was just trying to catch a Pokémon just outside the door of the ATM. Once I got it, I started banging the door,” he said and left immediately without speaking another word, staring intently at his mobile screen.