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Indian Police to be employed as 'official spectators' for sporting events

08, Sep 2014 By mpsharmaauthor

Delhi. Following the national outcry against police inaction throughout the region, the Indian Police Service has officially stated today that a number of law enforcement representatives in many Indian states will be removed from their official posts and relocated to sporting events as official spectators.

“No one is as talented as our police are at being able to spectate events as professionally as we do when turmoil is occurring around them,” the Delhi Police Commissioner said in his statement today.

Skilfully watching a crime unfold without moving a bone.
Skilfully watching a crime unfold without moving a bone.

Citing the recent infamous incidents of police inaction in Meerut and South Delhi where local police were “shamefully” branded as observing the event from a distance while illegal activities unfolded in front of their eyes, the commissioner further clarified matters, “I cannot understand why the mainstream media is branding our law enforcers as shameful. Most of us in the same situation would feel the pressure of job responsibility, and in some cases, humanitarian emotions and interfere in the dire situation.”

When Faking News journalists questioned the suspicious motives of police caught on camera actually running away from incidents, the Joint Commissioner of Police also present at the press conference piped in. “I fully agree with your doubt about those few policemen caught running away. That is why these personnel will remain in their current positions and continue to police their areas as ineffectually as they always have,” he said.

“Yes,” the Police Commissioner exclaimed in support, “We plan that those of our police personnels, that are employed as official spectators, will actually go on to represent global sporting events including cricket, baseball, basketball etc in order to learn dealing with strenuous activities and to show rest of the world their ability and skill in remaining rooted to their spot, whatever be the situation.”

“We have an international reputation to uphold you see,” he added.

Faking News journalists are in the process of setting up a donation to make Indian public support those police officers who have been unable to make the cut as official spectators.