New Delhi. IMFL or “Indian Made Foreign Liquor” should be reclassified as “Indian made liquor” or something similar after an investigation found that foreigners could not recognize most domestically produced alcohol.
A distinguished panel, assembled by Faking News after visiting a few Paharganj guesthouses, was given numerous “Indian made foreign liquors” to identify. However, many did not recognize what each liquor was “meant to be”.
“I think this one is sugar syrup and Complan,” said Alasdair, tasting a whiskey, “Oh, this is meant to be whiskey?! Well, it is certainly a unique flavor… must be a traditional Indian recipe.”
“Window cleaner and lemon floor cleaner?” said Roman, sampling a vodka, “hmm, it’s certainly a taste unique to India; I’ve never tasted vodka like this before.”
The panel also confirmed the “incomparable” character of Indian beers, especially the phenomenon known as the “two beer hangover”. Indian made alcohol, concluded the panel, is very much unique to India and does not warrant the “foreign” tag.
Faking News visited a major alcoholic beverage manufacturer to inform them of the findings, and to ask for free samples.
“Of course it’s an Indian product, we don’t have any age-old oak casks, kilts or bagpipes here,” said site manager, Surinder, “But have you ever bought a Scottish whisky for Rs.500 a liter?”
Our correspondent was then told to remove the bottles taken for “sampling purposes” from his pockets and to leave the premises quickly.
Consumer support for the reclassification is strong.
“Yes, great idea,” said Manish, sitting in the dirt not far from an “English” wine and beer shop after a generous helping of Indian liquor, “Wonderful, you’re my best friend now, but it won’t make the price go up, will it? And the booze will still be strong? If it gets more expensive there will be trouble.”
Nationalists too are firmly in favor of the move and plan to rename all “English Wine and Beer Shops” with local names.
Experts point out that Indian liquor has developed its unique character due to high levels of state control which reserve the market for Indian manufacturers. Some claim that Indian liquor is actually superior, citing that no foreign beer is successful enough to launch its own airline. However, FN must state that alcohol and motorized vehicles do not usually go well together.