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India specific Nobel Prizes to be started, "WhatsApp" to replace "Literature" as a category

12, Oct 2014 By Mishtik Journo

New Delhi: With Nobel Prize gaining fast popularity and becoming the flavor of the season, several groups have evinced keen interest in introducing such awards at the national level in India.

Bill Buffet, the US billionaire immediately announced an initial $200 million grant to yet to be formed ‘The InNobel Foundation’ before his accountant pointed out that he has already donated his entire wealth and that his banks do not allow any further overdraft to make more donations.

Emoticons
A work of art using WhatsApp emoticons.

Azim Premji and Narayanmurthy have promptly filled the void in providing this funding.

“Physics, Chemistry are outdated; B Com (Hons) beats them in college admissions every year. We must introduce categories relevant to the Indian context,” an expert on the subject opined.

“Who is interested in literature these days? Understanding even Twitter messages is so difficult, all I write these days are emoticons, images or videos. I write a full novel each day this way,” Ankit Kapoor, an avid internet fan and awards buff pointed out.

Blackonomics as a category could be a bright idea – accumulating unaccounted money over a lifetime, quantifiable yet unverifiable; absolutely opaque criteria, suiting India. Imagine, the citation would read “And the Nobel prize goes to Jay Calmaathi for having amassed 25000 rupees crore worth of assets without declaring any of them, ever. Mr Calmaathi has 10 HUFs and in his lifetime he has paid Rs 2751 as income tax…”. Standing ovation!

We can easily distribute scores of InNobels every year for the next twenty five years. Kailash Satyarthi won it for Child Rights activism. There is potential for thousands to vie for activism in bringing in reforms in Road Traffic, Common Etiquettes, Police, Marriage Celebrations, Garbage collection, Governance and so on, the list is limited by one’s imagination.

“The prize distribution ceremony would be a hundred crore rupees media extravaganza. Shahrukh would compere and Katrina will dance to the tune of ‘Abhi to party shuru hui hai……’ in the first year,” said Abhishek Khandelwal a media baron, “the sponsors would love the concept and come queuing in. We will have the awards ceremony travel to a different country each year unlike the old Nobels.”

“We can undo the injustice done to Mahatma Gandhi by the Nobel Committee by making him our first laureate of InNobel,” Chief Secretary, GOI told Faking News with a deadpan serious face.

Meanwhile, a real estate dealer in Delhi is having a field day. As one completes typing S A T Y A R T H I in google search, the first auto-fill suggests Satyarthi Properties.